I wish we never fucked and I mean that (But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fuckin’ awesome) – Heartbeat Childish Gambino
Neil Josten + Andrew Minyard
Tag: andreil
“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.”
“There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.”
“And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”
andrew about neil: i cant believe im gonna sleep with him
renee: well, you don’t have to
andrew: no, im gonna
local monster boy falls in love with an exy junkie 🔪
do you know what really fucks me up? what pulls me out of the dark abyss every time? knowing that even after andrew’s past–always in a state of impermanence, moving from one pre-packaged house to another–he still managed to give neil pieces of himself throughout the trilogy. from a key to a home that wasn’t just a room with four walls, to allowing neil access to the rooftop, which is his token safe space where he f e e l s the most. he gave neil a key to his car, something entirely his, and that speaks volumes. it says, “hey, I’m trusting you with a piece of me. something that’s solely mine because I know that you won’t break it.” It’s trust and honesty and safety, it’s feeling calm when neil’s around and slowly seeing the transformation from his to theirs. to ours. and for andrew, that truly shows how much he cares and appreciates neil.
Neil’s Halloween debacle
It’s me, back with another ridiculous ficlet. You can blame Una for this one. She reached the point in The Raven King (can you believe she’s taken about a month to get here) where Nicky tells Neil not to trust him to pick a Halloween costume because he’ll “probably dress [him] as a French maid or something,” and immediately requested ((read: demanded)) a ficlet in which Nicky does just that. So, here it is. Rather than doing a canon-divergent situation, I wrote something that’s set a way into the future where everyone is happy. Also, Andreil’s cats feature, in Halloween costumes no less, because obviously I had to get them in somewhere. You’re … welcome?
“So, Neil,” asks Nicky airily, his voice crackling slightly through the phone. “What are you planning on wearing for Halloween? Are you and Andrew coordinating outfits?”
Neil glances at Andrew who, as usual, isn’t paying the slightest bit of attention, more preoccupied with trying to scoop rapidly-melting ice cream onto a wafer of insufficient structural integrity. An autumn breeze does nothing to disturb the sodden leaf piles outside, and a light drizzle patters against the large windows of the diner. Neil would wonder at Andrew’s food choice if he didn’t know him so well.
“I don’t know,” replies Neil eventually, gaze still stuck on Andrew’s ice cream. Andrew freezes for a second, eyes flicking to Neil before he stuffs the wafer in his mouth. He pushes the bowl towards Neil slightly, eyebrow raised slightly in question, and Neil shakes his head in response, grinning slightly as he turns his attention back to Nicky. “We haven’t talked about it.”
Andrew narrows his eyes momentarily before deciding the conversation isn’t worth his time and going back to his sundae. Beside him sit Kevin and Thea, who have been conversing in hushed tones since practice ended. The last Neil was able to pick up, they were discussing the US Court lineup for the Olympics qualifying matches; he highly doubts that Nicky’s Halloween plans will be of any consequence to them right now. Neil himself has half a mind to hang up the phone and join their conversation. He has a few ideas on which backliners should be working with Andrew if they want an airtight defence line.
“How about you let me sort something out?” asks Nicky, and Neil doesn’t like his tone of voice. It may be the distortion, but he sounds suspiciously sly.
“Andrew won’t go for that.”
“Just for you, then.”
Neil sighs. Nicky’s not going to back down in a hurry, and he’d rather not be on the phone for hours. “Okay, fine.”
Nicky emits a delighted sound that Neil can’t describe as anything other than a squeal. “I can’t wait. Our first Halloween in Berlin together. It’s going to be so much fun. I’ve been getting Erik to help plan our route for the evening. He says there’s a bar that serves eyeballs in all their drinks on Halloween. I mean, I don’t think they’re real eyeballs -”
“Can’t wait, Nicky,” interjects Neil, mindful of Andrew’s now-empty bowl and Kevin’s itch to spend as much time on the court as possible before he’s torn away from it for a long weekend. “We’ll see you in a few days.”
“Bis dann! I’ll have an incredible costume waiting,” sings Nicky, and the line clicks dead.
Neil, throwing Andrew off the roof: this bitch empty YEET!!!!
this is the fic I promised @requiemofkings to go along with their beautiful art
Andrew might be the only person in the room not uncomfortable in the sudden silence. Neil is on his feet, eyes too wild, too tipped towards turning into Nathaniel. He is a study in battle, poised to run but ready to stand and fight with everything he has. The disjointed team that has become Neil’s family stares back at him, everyone facing down the front of his fury, with Andrew at his back for support. If he needs it. This isn’t an argument Andrew wants to be part of if he can avoid it. He gave up fighting for himself years ago.
Matt is the first one to try for words. “Neil, we didn’t –”
“You did,” Neil bites, and he doesn’t stop when he makes his best friend flinch. “You meant it. He’s not a fucking monster.”
It looks like Matt wants to get to his feet but is thinking better of it. It’s rare that Neil goes off like this, at his family least of all, but it’s human instinct to not look threatening when a wild dog’s hackles are raised.
The others let Matt carry the conversation. Smart, but it’s not going to do them any good. “Okay, Neil, we’ll stop calling him that.”
The harsh laugh that froths at Neil’s mouth fights to realign his rapid breathing. “Will you, though? It’s been years, and no matter how much he does to prove you wrong, you still can’t see past your hazy impressions of him.”
“So as long as Andrew was only physically attracted to Neil, this was safe to experiment with. Neil’s death wouldn’t be more than a faint inconvenience to Andrew.” me, banging pots and pans, choking on my tears: HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU BITCH!!!! HE’S BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!!
My favorite thing about the Shower Scene isn’t even the scene itself. It’s Andrew leaving Neil and Matt’s room with wet hair and wearing Neil’s clothes and everyone looking on in shock.
I mean. Imagine the curveball that they were throwing the rest of the team through. Three days before their relationship status was a bet half the team didn’t know about. Two days before they’re apparently a “thing”. Now they’re all trying to figure out if they missed some subtle clues and instead they’re getting the most blatant “we’re fucking” signals ever sent.
It’s like your friend saying “hey I think there’s something on the horizon idk what it is though.” so you look with your binoculars and it’s the fucking sun.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 