Protip for men: if marriage is a horrifying concept for you and you think it is an evil trap, do not buy a ring and ask a woman to marry you
I’m way over seeing radical feminist bullshit on my dash. This isn’t even social justice or a real issue.
sorry that not marrying someone you dont loathe is radical feminism i guess?
women: don’t propose or get married if u don’t like the thought of marriage
men: what kind of sjw fuckery
the other bit that this implies is:
If you like your wife, act like it. Even around your friends. Be open and honest about liking your wife, liking spending time with her, and not being resentful of the shared work of building a household. Let your buddies know you can’t hang out with them because you’d rather be home with your wife, whom you like, because she is your legit bff, even though you know your buddies are gonna mock you for it.
Stand up to your buddies. Tell them mocking isn’t cool and you don’t want them to do it anymore. Challenge the other men in your life to be better men.
That is what “don’t get married if you think marriage is an evil trap” implies to men who are married. And while it’s all completely reasonable I imagine that it’s scary as fuck when it’s just so much easier to har de har har the little woman’s such a nag, ain’t she, don’t we all hate being married so much? with other men.
In that context, “don’t get married if you think marriage is an evil trap” is kindof a radical statement.
The number of guys I work with who are engaged who started pulling the “uh oh, life over soon, har har” shit that I have completely shut down with a simple “well if you don’t want to get married, then don’t”…*sigh* And they’re just like, hem, haw, welllll if I don’t then she might not stay with meee, which I respond to with “well, sounds like you need to have a pretty serious and honest conversation with your fiancee about your feelings then” and then the *panic!* look…When you remove that easy “hah hah ball-and-chain” narrative, watch the reaction. Some of them (to a female friend) will mumblingly admit that they love their fiancee and are excited to be married. Others…all you get is fear.
That’s the disservice we do men by refusing to teach boys how to explore their emotional needs. It hurts everyone. I watched three male friends walk into marriages I can tell they weren’t ready for and didn’t want, just because it was expected and they had no tools for emotional self-examination. Two of those marriages are (shockingly) in crisis, a couple years later. One has kids involved now. It’s more than a little heartbreaking. The marriages I see that are working? Are the guys with the emotional maturity to talk to their wives and who don’t care if everyone knows they’re in love with them.
SERIOUSLY.
My friend is getting married this summer and when I congratulated her fiance on their engagement he said to me “Yeah well you know, women. This is what they want so you have to bite the bullet.” and my other friend’s husband who was sitting next to him laughed and agreed. If this is how you feel, don’t get married. Don’t propose. Just…. Don’t. Do it. Any of it.
Straight people think that doing things you really don’t want to do – like marriage and having kids – is normal cos they’re still stuck in a fucking 19th century mindset.
It’s why I know my best friend got a good one, he’s open about how much he loves her and he’s excited to be getting married and regularly contributes ideas and has his own input, it’s nice to see
It filters through as well. Even being gay, a lot of my straight friends don’t understand why I spend so much time with my husband. Because I love him? Because I enjoy his company? Because he’s my best friend? I can’t count the amount of straight people that have told me that they think it’s “weird” that my husband and I spend so much quality time together. The only person who understood was my mom, whose response was: “If you love someone and genuinely enjoy their company, why WOULDN’T you want to spend your free time with them?!”
How can anyone look at their impending marriage and think ‘oh no, it’s all over now’ like???? I’ve only felt so close to so many people in my life, but those small few were like?? I’d wake up in the morning excited to be awake just to look forward to SEEING them. I’d catch myself with this stupid idiot grin in broad daylight just THINKING ABOUT BEING AROUND THEM. I’d sleep easy with them in my head, shitty days became perfect once I spoke to them. THAT’s how I imagine feeling again someday. I think about feeling that way for someone again and it’s like the whole future opens up. Marriage is finding your best friend in the whole wide world and wanting to have a sleepover every single day, and to agree to it and then go around groaning like your freedom is being stolen is a HUGE disrespect. If you have the freedom to share your life with anyone you like and you throw it around like baggage you really can’t expect it to grow, can you? You gotta care about yourself a little more than that I think
All of this.
Not to mention this mentality makes it’s way TO THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. How many weddings have we seen with something like this:
Like what kind of toxic mentality do you have to have to say this as the bride is about to walk down the aisle and marry someone who it’s now suggested doesn’t even want to be there?? How is this cute? How is this supposedly charming? This is supposed to be the person you love and want to be with! And not to mention that you send this down the aisle with a small child (the ring bearer or the flower girls)…I have a special loathing for things like this.
i just read joss whedon’s entire wonder woman script and… it’s horrifying. it gets way worse than the screencaps i’ve seen. i italicised the worst parts that might be triggering. (mostly abuse, sexual harassment)
he completely skips diana’s backstory; the film starts with steve crashing the plane
steve doesn’t get saved by diana; instead he is taken to hippolyta, who wants to kill him
the story in general is told from steve’s pov
the descriptions of the women’s bodies are just pure male fantasies
i’m literally on page 18 right now and so far steve has been straight up a sassy asshole, interrupted diana, and guilt-tripped her by telling her that she makes his imminent death about herself, which she never did, then he ‘jokingly’ asks her out, gets rejected, and then says,“’let’s keep in touch’ is actually american for ‘get the hell out of my face’”
diana then demands a trial by combat and physically fights her own mother to save steve
we are given no actual reason why she leaves themyscira, she never says it’s because she wants to stop the suffering of innocent people
i’m on page 28 and so far steve has had 10 times more lines than diana
diana gets called a whore by a soldier and when she wants to defend herself steve tells her to “shut up”
another soldier calls her a “tasty looking girl”
the first time whedon calls her a hero is after she knocked out some random soldiers
diana is called a “stupid bitch”
whedon calls random women running out of their houses trying to save themselves whores
men keep calling diana “princess” in a condescending way
steve says he thinks diana is dangerous but he’s still attracted to her and wants her to “turn around so i can see more of you naked” and apparently diana finds that charming and “tries to hide a smile”
again, diana is called a bitch
“two thin supermodel types come up to him”
aaaand diana is called a bitch again. seriously you could make this a drinking game
“then she moves her leg back and turns, fluidly, a curve rippling up her body as she folds into a dance that is sensual, ethereal and wicked sexy” (whedon explicitly states that the men are staring at her)
“hot girl-on-swan action” is an actual thing that is said
diana is basically just a damsel in distress and steve has to keep saving her
when diana actually saves him for once, steve says “i hate this a lot”
steve to diana: “and it never occured to you that you’re the reason it’s getting worse?”
steve throws a hissy fit because he has an inferiority complex
“you’re not a hero, diana. you’re a fucking tourist.”
apparently diana only speaks english
when she is weakened by a fever, some men grab her and touch her inappropriately before they realise that she’s sick and apparently they don’t want to infect themselves so they push her into a pit instead (what the fuck? what. the. FUCK.)
“diana standing, legs wide”
on page 104 of 116, diana finally gets her suit (according to whedon that’s what makes her a superhero: “diana is a superhero now”)
steve admits he’s an idiot and diana kisses him
“your whole life on an island with women, and you can kiss like that?” followed by diana implying that she’s kissed women and steve actually says out loud that he’s picturing it, and he’s turned on by it
the movie ends with that.
we dodged more than a bullet with this, we dodged a fucking nuke. also, bless patty jenkins.
This is such an interesting dissection of a very common trope in writing female characters that I never really thought about before, but it’s so prevalent and so obvious and so fucking disgusting.
Poor Person: I need food stamps so I don’t starve.
Conservative: That’s lazy. Get a job.
Poor Person: Fine. I got a job, but it doesn’t pay enough. The minimum wage needs to be raised.
Conservative: Still lazy. Go to college so you can get a better job.
Poor Person: Fine. But I’ll need financial assistance to afford college.
Conservative: Still lazy.
Poor Person: Fine. I went to college, put myself in debt, and got a degree. But the only jobs I can get without experience are unpaid internships. Businesses should be required to pay their interns.
Conservative: …
Conservative: Still lazy.
Poor Person: How the hell do you expect me to get out of debt?
Conservative: It’s your own fault. You choose to go to college even though you couldn’t afford it.
Poor Person: But you’re the one who keeps telling poor people to go to college. Are you saying that I’m lazy if I don’t go to college, and lazy if I do?
Conservative: Yes.
Poor Person: Then what the hell should I do?
Conservative: Be born rich.
Wait, there’s a capper to this. I know, because I’ve heard it.
Poor Person: Well, I wasn’t born rich, so I need help!
Conservative: You weren’t born rich because your parents weren’t virtuous.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 