andrew: i like hot chocolate and chain smoking instead of doing things i’m supposed to be doing
+ bonus andrew: 20 likes and i’ll kill my crush
aaron: exam self care is eating a pound of chocolate covered coffee beans and astral projecting into a wendy’s parking lot to knife fight with god
neil: this is just a gentle reminder that i am pretty much permanently Emotionally Unavailable thank u goodbye
+ bonus neil: kiss me or kill me. or both. lets just get this over with
kevin: i’m listening to tchaikovsky and shostakovich and getting drunk. this is the fucking #life don’t bother me
+ bonus kevin: my kink is when my teammates do their fucking jobs
allison: do i want to kiss her or steal her look?
+ bonus allison: i want to look good AND fuck people up
seth: i’m a literal wet heap of garbage and i want to die
nicky: i’m not here to be reasonable i’m here to be gay and have fun
matt: listen to me. every time this girl breathes i want to give her everything i own she deserves the world i love her
dan: men are weak and disgusting. except for that one he can stay
renee: having good friends is a religious experience and i will protect them with my life

additional
wymack: [letting my cats outside] you are idiots. i hate you. i know youre going to get hurt. [opening door] i love u go get ’em
jean: je don’t know, je don’t care, je want u to go away