changbinst:

neil josten: that awkward moment between birth and death

andrew minyard: 80s music brings me back to good times like when i wasnt alive

kevin day: “what’s a queen without her king” well, historically, better

nicky hemmick: whenever i say “wow” in a weird ass voice i’m either referencing owen willson or that vine of some guy at a party watching that girl vape

matt boyd: phones nowadays so expensive you fall and hear a crack sound and you pray it’s your leg

dan wilds: Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever closed 15 tabs after finishing a project

allison reynolds: “i thought you said you were done with him” first of all…. that was 3 seconds ago, he’s a different person now

renee walker: i think my priest might be gay??? i mean he keeps saying “ah, men” after each prayer

aaron minyard:

how do people get up and motivate themselves to go to the gym around 5-6 in the morning? i struggle to crack a smile around 2pm

david wymack: omfg i HATE when kids scream in public… u have no real problems. it should be me screaming. ME

betsy dobson: I told my boss I needed a pay rise, I said that 3 other companies were after me. He said: “which ones?” and I replied: “the electricity, gas and the water.”

abby winfield:

what’s worse than a heartbreak???? stepping on your dog’s tail and not being able to explain that you’re sorry

+ BONUS

jean moreau: *speaks french*

jeremy knox, crying: how do you do that with your mouth