This is my gift for @sunrise-and-death as part of @aftgexchange, with the prompt “Neil actually taking the time (now that he can) to figure out his feelings about his appearance, sexuality, and/or anything else like that.” I…ended up mostly projecting myself onto him, but I sincerely hope you’ll like this little thing I wrote for you :’) I hope you’ll have a wonderful winter ❤
tw: mentions of past abuse
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It doesn’t bother him.
Really, it doesn’t.
That’s what Neil is trying to convince himself to believe.
Chapters: ¼ Fandom: All For the Game – Nora Sakavic Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Neil Josten, Kevin Day, David Wymack, Renee Walker (All For The Game), Laila Dermott, Alvarez (All For the Game), Jean Moreau, Betsy Dobson, Original Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe – High School, Slow Burn, terrible flirting between adult men, POV Andrew Minyard Summary:
“It will not be cheap,” Andrew finally says.
“I know,” Wymack says. “Two bottles of Johnnie Walker sound good to you?”
“Four,” Andrew says without missing a beat. He thinks about having to deal with Nicky later on, about the additional work he has to do, and decides that he will not do anything for less.
“Three,” Wymack argues.
“Four or we have no deal.”
Wymack mutters something about blood-sucking hooligans under his breath before he concedes with a, “Fine.”
(or: a High School AU where only some of them are high-schoolers)
Andrew wants to kiss Neil. Correction: Andrew wants to kiss Neil’s scarred cheeks. It starts with Andrew coming to a realization. While they were on the roof watching the last light of the day draining away, Andrew realized he felt calm. It was different from his usual kind of calm detachment, because he wasn’t distancing himself from anything. There was the purple hues in the gamut of the sky, the smudges of fading orange from the sun, the weight of Neil’s head on his shoulder, the warmth of Neil’s body leaning against his, and he felt – soft. At ease. It made him angry. He had shoved Neil away and left the roof. Neil kept his distance, allowing Andrew space without asking for any explanation. It made Andrew angrier. Not unkindly, Bee told him, it’s because you’re unused to this. Andrew didn’t tell her, there is no this. He told her, I want to try to be gentle. But I don’t think I am capable of it. She told him, you are. She told him again, Andrew, you are. Andrew has kissed other parts of Neil that aren’t his lips. His hipbone, his thighs, his navel. Neil has kissed other parts of Andrew too. His forearms, his chest, and of course, his neck. But Andrew has never kissed any other parts of Neil’s face, and he realizes that he wants to. He wants to press his lips to the pleats of knife scars on his right cheek, to the whorl of burn marks on his left cheek, to the tip of his freckled nose. He’s dug his teeth into the defined corner of Neil’s jaw, but he wants to kiss it too. In the dorm room, when they are by themselves, Andrew tells Neil, I want to try something. Putting his pencil down and closing his textbook, Neil tells Andrew, okay. In the bedroom, Andrew says, I want to try something, but I need you to close your eyes. Neil looks at him, then says, okay. Andrew looks at him, then closes the space between them. The light from the bedside table skims off Neil’s eyelashes and splatters over his skin in gold. Andrew asks, yes or no? With his eyes closed, Neil says, yes. Andrew tucks Neil’s hair behind an ear, leans forward with his chin tilted, and kisses Neil on his cheek. He feels the bob of muscle under his lips, but Neil keeps his eyes closed. Andrew strokes his thumb over the spot he just kissed, and thinks, yes. He shifts a little and kisses the knot of pink skin on Neil’s other cheek. He does it once, twice, thrice. He does it again and again, each kiss softer than the last. He falls back flat on his feet. He didn’t realize that he was standing on his tiptoes. He tells Neil, you can open your eyes. Neil opens them, blinking slowly, eyelashes fluttering. He asks, may I? Andrew nods. Neil raises his hands and cups Andrew’s face. The tips of his fingers glide into Andrew’s hair. The blueness of his eyes is annihilating. He asks, may I? Andrew says, yes. Neil leans forward, and kisses Andrew on his forehead. Eyes falling shut, Andrew exhales softly.
These days, both of them are able to sleep on the same bed without any weapons underneath their pillows and on their person, and Andrew is not sure what he wants to do with this knowledge. They have poured years into forging their armors, and now they are stripping them, piece by tattered piece.
(or: the five weapons Neil has at his disposal + one weapon he wields without knowing it)
1.
Andrew has seen Neil throw a punch only once. The guy he punched didn’t get back up to retaliate after Neil delivered the right hook, but then again, Andrew had never held any expectations on a temperamental child like Jack. Matt has brought up the legendary union between Neil’s fist and Riko Moriyama’s face numerous times, recounting the tale with rigorous enthusiasm, but Andrew would rather not think about that if he can help it, especially not after he finds out what provoked Neil to do it.
This time though, the man who Neil just decked gets back up after spitting out a broken tooth. He is a solid foot taller than Neil, but Neil, being who he is, does not appear troubled in the least. His mistake, however, is not him appearing calm and thus almost arrogant, but it’s him turning his back on his offender to talk to the woman whom Andrew assumes he is trying to defend.
Andrew is already making his way through the throng of dancing people before his mind even registers it. He really shouldn’t have sent Neil inside first when he was looking for a parking spot; he takes his eyes off Neil for one second – before he can make it to the bar where Neil is, the man grabs Neil from behind in a chokehold.
Warnings: Discussions of death, mentions of self-harm, mentions of sexual assault, none of which are graphic.
Summary:
A fact: Andrew is biding his time until death.
He counts the hours left in a day, the minutes left in an hour, the seconds between sunrise and sunset. The world keeps turning, and with it, he wakes up, he eats, he smokes, he plays a sport he doesn’t care about, he guards his things, he keeps his promises, he breathes. Each intake of breath ticks off the time he has left – the space between him and death.
But against his will, his clock begins to run on a different schedule.
(or: Andrew versus life and Dr. Dobson, an act in eight parts)
Warnings: Discussions of death, mentions of self-harm, mentions of sexual assault, none of which are graphic.
Summary:
A fact: Andrew is biding his time until death.
He counts the hours left in a day, the minutes left in an hour, the seconds between sunrise and sunset. The world keeps turning, and with it, he wakes up, he eats, he smokes, he plays a sport he doesn’t care about, he guards his things, he keeps his promises, he breathes. Each intake of breath ticks off the time he has left – the space between him and death.
But against his will, his clock begins to run on a different schedule.
(or: Andrew versus life and Dr. Dobson, an act in eight parts)
is nobody going to talk about this?? like, andrew’s pettiness has always been obvious, especially in scenes like when he threw neil’s keys off the roof, but this one is gold imo. he forgoes the chance to make out and share a moment of privacy with neil because he’s full of spite and doesn’t want to accept any “help” from nicky, especially not in matters of his not-relationship. like. andrew. my boy
Nothing but My Aching Soul 