witterprompts:

• “You win some, you lose some.”
• “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you trying to talk to me?”
• “What’s that thing you’re doing right now? Crying?”
• “I can’t go five minutes without a bit of peace.”
• “Careful, you might make me fall for you.”
• “Don’t go making it a habit to steal my breath away.”
• “If you didn’t want to move in with me, you should have just said so, instead of packing everything and leaving me behind.”
• “I don’t want you to ever feel like that again.”
• “I know I’ve made some mistakes. I’ve thought it over and I want to make it up to you.”
• “I didn’t know you could even do that.”
• “Does anyone else here have some life changing powers that I didn’t know about, too?”
• “As you always say, don’t fix what hasn’t been broken.”
• “Scientifically, that shouldn’t be possible.”
• “You were my greatest creation.”
• “You used to be on my side.”
• “I think you’re mistaking me as someone else.”
• “I tried to tell myself I was good enough, but it’s hard when everyone else disagrees.”
• “Don’t mistake my words- they are not supposed to be compliments.”
• “The AI on this ship isn’t quite as advanced as mine.”
• “I’m always just a few seconds too late.”
• “I used to be in love with heartbreak.“ 
• “Did you only ever keep me around for entertainment?”
• “You’re not nearly as alone as you make yourself out to be.”
• “You can’t depend on me for everything. You need to take care of yourself.”
• “The funny thing about love is that it doesn’t truly ever go away. You just don’t always feel it for the same person you once held near and dear.”
• “There’s no such thing as a point of return. You make your choice and you have to stick with it until the end.”
• “I can’t keep biting my tongue. I have to say something.”
• “You let me make a fool of myself.”
• “I get this feeling that it was something I did to make you mad.”
• “It feels like time is always running out.”
• “I was always afraid, but lately, I can’t help feeling like I’m losing you.”
• “The problem is that I don’t like them, but they like me.”
• “My biggest weakness is being called baby. Doesn’t even have to be romantic.”
• “I can help you, but you have to actually listen to what I’m saying.”
• “I don’t want you to misunderstand- you were never a part of my plan.”
• “You’re one of those people who always take. When are you going to give?”
• “You are where I belong.”
• “I don’t know if you got my message or if you’ve been avoiding me, but I’m leaving soon and I wanted to see you before I do.”
• “I guess we both had the same idea for your birthday.”
• “Save your tears for someone who matters.”
• “It took me years to figure out what I wanted to do.”
• “Don’t follow in my footsteps. I’m constantly struggling.”
• “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve been following me.”
• “I didn’t tell anyone except for you, but now everyone knows. What am I supposed to think?”
• “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone that information, but it’s done and over with now.”
• “I thought I taught you differently.”
• “I like to think that I’ve finally risen above you.”
• “You’ll make me feel better? How?”
• “Surprise, surprise. Not everyone likes long road trips.”
• “Are you sure I have to come with?”
• “My gut’s been telling me that I shouldn’t be trusting you.”
• “I’m not a fool. I’ve been intentionally letting you lead me around.”
• “If I don’t get my hopes up, I’ll never get let down. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.”
• “This isn’t a false alarm.”
• “Do you think any differently of me, knowing what you do now?”
• “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who thought you all were dating.”
• “I don’t think putting two criminals together is a good idea.”
• “I wish you would learn from my mistakes.”
• “There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t wish they were rich.”
• “If anyone finds out about this, we’re dead.”
• “Look at me. I’m beautiful. I’ll get us in there, no problem.”
• “Getting caught in the middle of a fight between friends and making them all angry at you is the worst.”
• “I don’t remember inviting all these people to my house, but okay.”
• “We’re stranded out in the middle of nowhere and you being annoying isn’t helping anything.”
• “If you’re not going to eat that, I will.”
• “I told you, I’m not making this up.”
• “Look, juice is still juice even if it’s in space.”
• “This song always brings back the strangest memories.”
• “Would you get mad at me if I said I did not, in fact, remember you?”
• “We met like two years ago and have been together since.”
• “I discovered that I could pause time on accident. I probably spent a month frozen in time before figuring out how to control it.”
• “I didn’t know what to say. I was being put on the spot.”
• “I can’t believe I made such a fool of myself.”
• “There was nothing more that I wanted. Just you.”
• “I can’t take my eyes off you for one second. You’re always getting hurt.”
• “What can I say? You’re just not on my level.”
• “I was hoping you could cut me some slack.”
• “I know I messed up really bad, but give me a chance. I can do this.”
• “My best friend is dating my ex, who had been dating my other best friend. Of course I’m confused.”
• “Congrats, you solved the mystery.”
• “I don’t need your sarcasm this early in the morning.”
• “Your hands are so cold. It’s like holding two really oddly shaped ice cubes.”
• “Are you really going to play that soundtrack every time I enter the room?”
• “I don’t know why you keep making out in front of me. At this point, it’s just inconvenient." 
• "If I say yes, will you stop pouting at me?”
• “The point of a trust fall is to catch me.”
• “I told you three different times. You honestly just thought I was pulling your leg.”
• “I’m not in denial of my feelings. I don’t have any.”
• “I’ll be honest. I haven’t listened to a word you’ve said.”
• “Don’t just sit there and watch me dance. Join me.”
• “I fall in love every day with someone new.”
• “Have you looked at me lately? I’m a mess. I don’t need a mirror to know.”
• “How do you not know what you are?”
• “I didn’t have anyone there to teach me how to do this.”
• “Oh, wow, aren’t you just the scariest?”
• “I’ve never once been to one of these events. What am I supposed to do?”
• “You do something wrong once and no one lets you live it down.”
• “I was wondering when you were going to notice.”
• “I’ve read this book so many times, but it keeps changing.”
• “I didn’t think about what I said before I said it.”

pleasepromptme:

1. “Surprise, I have feelings and you just hurt them.”
2. “In the least creepy way possible, I know where you live.”
3. “A onesie is not an appropriate gift for my mothers birthday!”
4. “Why would you even suggest that?”
5. “Emotions are a luxury I don’t have time for.”
6. “Can I borrow your pencil, and your homework.”
7. “I just want to start over.”
8. “I’m sorry, can we just pretend I never said that.”
9. “You hurt her, I stab you, okay?”
10. “I would kill for a slice of cake right now…literally”
11. “Well this got incredibly awkward incredibly quickly.”
12. “Woah, hold the fuck up, you did what now?”
13. “I love you, I always have.”
14. “Take a deep breath and please calm the fuck down.”
15. “I miss you, but then i remember what an asshole you are and the feeling fades.”
16. “Tell me everything.”
17. “What happened to you?”
18. “Hey honey…did you seriously adopt another kitten?”
19. “How many times do I have to tell you, we are not getting a bouncy castle for my dad’s 60th.”
20. “I know it’s hard, but get over it.”
21. “I am not dramatic, it was a very big spider.”
22. “How to kill the mood 101.”
23. “You left me with no one, sorry doesn’t change that.
24. “This is a joke right?”
25. “Clearly I did not drink enough for this.”
26. “I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it did.”
27. “You only want to go because there’s free food.”
28. “This song is so us.”
29. “It’s too early for this, just go back to sleep.”
30. “If I tell you I love you will you make me pancakes?”
31. “If you sing that song one more time I will kill you.”
32. “Honestly, I don’t want to know.”
33. “Hold up, she said what?”
34. “You are so sweet, and I am so sorry.”
35. “You don’t deserve this.”
36. “Poke me once more and see what happens.”
37. “Ghosts aren’t real for God’s sake.”
38. “I need to punch something, preferably their face.”
39. “You are so extra.”
40. “Why did you think that was okay?”
41. “When did you become my mother?”
42. “New drinking game, drink overtime you’re a dickhead. Oh wait I already have alcohol poisoning.”
43. “I trusted you.”
44. “Don’t talk to me, I need my coffee first.”
45. “Remember that time I thought you were stalking me?”
46. “I hate that I still love you.”
47. “Of course it’s not your fault, it never is.”
48. “I am this close to calling my ex.”
49. “Maybe this really was a bad idea.”
50. “Jesus Christ I forgot how much I hate exercise.”
51. “Baby, please tell me you can explain why there is a hole through the window.”
52. “Wow I can’t believe he said you were ugly, hun he is clearly blind.”
53. “Sorry I’m late.”
54. “I don’t know why I bother.”
55. “I’d rather do a lot of things than eat my vegetables but you gotta do it.”
56. “That was so romantic.”
57. “Out of all the things you could have said, and you went with that.”
58. “I can’t wait to see you.”
59. “I don’t want you, I need you.”
60. “Stop laughing this isn’t funny!”

” Aren’t you going to say something?”
” And I thought I loved you.”
” And I thought you loved me.”
” Angry. I’m.. I’m angry.”
” Aren’t you even going to cry?”
” Are you going to cry?”
” Are you crying?”
” Are you okay?”
” Ask if I’m okay. Just ask.”
” And this is why I don’t want to stay anymore.”
” Addiction isn’t the way to go, ___ ”
” Are you angry with me?”
” Are you afraid?”
” And now is the part where we say goodbye.”
” And now you’re going to leave me!”
” Are you just going to leave me?”
” Be friends with someone else.”
” Boy/Girlfriend? Is that what you thought I meant?”
” Because you’re such an ass and I- I just hate you!”
” But I’ve changed.”
” But you’ve changed.”
” Buy yourself something nice. Because I don’t want this ring.”
” But.. you’re still alive?”
” Can’t you just let me be happy for one?!”
” Can’t you be happy for once?
” Can’t you just be happy for me?”
” Come on, leave already!”
” Coward. That’s all you are. A coward.”
” Do you even know what you’ve done to me?”
” Do you have any remorse? ”
” Don’t you dare close your eyes on me!”
” Don’t you dare die.”
” Don’t you care about me/her/him/them anymore?”
” Don’t give me that look”
” Don’t you want me to be happy?”
” Dammit! Everything was just starting to get better and then you do this!”
” Damn you.”
” Don’t lie to me.”
” Don’t like to him/her/them.”
” Dammit.. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! You fucking ass!”
” Everything is fucked up now- everything is fucked because of you!”
” Everything’s gone to hell.”
” Everyone hates me.”
” Everyone hates you.”
” Everything hurts.”
” Everything’s going to be okay.”
” Everyone loves you, not me.”
” Everything is falling apart.”
” Everything fell apart and I can’t pick up the pieces anymore.”
” For someone whose dying, you seem kind of happy.”
” Friends forever, right? Isn’t that what you said?”
” Fuck off!”
” Fuck you!”
” Find a new place to live.”
” Find a new girlfriend/boyfriend.”
” Find a new best-friend.”
” Fine. I’ll leave.”
” Forever and ever. That’s how long I said I loved you. But you never said it back.”
” Fucking hell, I hate you!”
” Get lost!”
” Get a job, you ass!”
” Get out of here!”
” Go get a life.”
” Go. Just go.”
” How are you still alive?”
” How long are you going to keep this up?”
” How long until you finally get lost?”
” How about I just leave.”
” Hold up. You’re breaking up with me?”
” Heaven doesn’t exist.”
” Hell is the only place we’re going to be going.”
” How about you leave now?”
” Is this how you’re going to treat me?”
” I can’t believe you.”
” I’m a monster.”
” I killed someone.”
” I want to kill myself.”
” I want to kill something.”
” I’m running away.”
” I’m leaving you.”
” I can’t look at you right now.”
” I hope you die!”
” I don’t understand.”
” I’m so angry/sad. But you don’t care.”
” I can’t hear anything.”
” I’m dying.”
” I have cancer.”
” I can feel the darkness coming.”
” I can’t breathe.”
” Just joking, I don’t love you.”
” Just go.”
” Just leave me alone!”
” Just fuck off.”
” Kill yourself. ”
” Kindly get the hell away from me.”
” Kids? I don’t want kids.”
” Kind. That’s the one thing you can never manage to be.”
” Lie. Just lie.”
” Lie to me.”
” Life is not worth living.”
” Living isn’t possible.”
” Like I give a shit about you.”
” Lies are all you’re capable of.”
” Lay down. It’ll all be over soon.”
” My heart is broken. ”
” My.. everything hurts.”
” My girlfriend/boyfriend left.”
” My ____ is dead.”
” Man, you’re an asshole.”
” My lies aren’t working anymore.”
” Mutt.”
” Many times I lay awake and wonder why I’m alive anymore.”
” Never again.”
” Never speak to me again.”
” No. I won’t do it.”
” No, I don’t like you like that.”
” No way in hell!”
” Now, now, is there really any reason to cry?”
” Now and again I really start to hate you.”
” No. Stop crying, just stop it.”
” Not how I wanted to spend my life.”
” Never look at me again.”
” People hate me.”
” People hate you.”
” Person? No, no. You’re not a person. You’re a robot.”
” People like you sicken me.”
” People like you deserve to die.”
” Perhaps you should just leave, then.”
” Piss off.”
” Question: why are you still here?”
” Quiet. I’m getting sick of hearing your voice.”
” Run away. That’s what I’m doing.”
” See? I hate you.”
” See? You hate me.”
” Sometimes I wonder why you stay with me.”
” So.. you hate me, then?”
” So this is how it ends.”
” Shoot me.”
” Shit…”
” So why are you still here?”
” Sometimes people lie to me.”
” Stories are just that. Stories.”
” Took off with everything I had!”
” Time to go.”
” This is the end. It’s done.”
” The story is ending now.”
” This is the end.”
” This is why I hate you.”
” Then why do you say you love me?!”
” Unlike you I have friends.”
” Unlike me, you have friends”
” Under the bed is were I have to hide from you.”
” Underwater is where i want me coffin to be.”
” Utter it again and I swear I’ll kill you!”
” Very mature. Cunt.”
” Why can’t you row up?”
” Why cant you care about me?”
” Why do you hate me?”
” Why do I hate you?”
” What do you mean?”
” What?You’re dying?”
” Why can’t you just be you.”
” When am I supposed to get my time to be happy?’
” Well. This isn’t how it was supposed to end between us.”
” Whatever, you asshole.”
” Whenever you decide you can stand to talk to me ago, please do.”
” Well. I hate you now.”
” Well, you hate me now.”

brotherjem:

• “we’re in the same art class and I’m awesome, but you’re not and you’re failing and you need help so I guess I’ll tutor you” au
• “I mistook you for my best friend and jumped on your back in public and now I’m embarrassed” au
• “we’re playing the same music quartet and you keep glaring at me from across the set-up and I don’t know why” au
• “I’m a jeweler and you always come in to buy stuff so I assume you have you have a significant other and don’t hit on you, but it turns out you’re just really nice to your mom” au
• “you’re a delivery person and why do you always order so much STUFF” au
• “I work at Starbucks and you come in so often that I know your daily order and write encouraging notes on your cup” au
• “I work at a sex toy shop and you come in frequently so I assume you have a significant other, but you just like coming in to make fun of how weird the toys are” au
• “you work at a museum and I like to come by a lot in my free time and wait why do you seem to follow me around from exhibit to exhibit” au
• “we both like walking in the park at night and I think you’re a stalker so I accidentally attack you and give you a black eye sorry” au
• “we met through mutual friends and you call me a different name but I don’t have the heart to correct you” au
• “you work at a botanical garden and when I go, I get stung by a bee and have an allergic reaction and you accompany me to the hospital because no one else will” au
• “I’m a bartender and I have to cut you off after a certain amount because you’re drinking to forget your ex and I end up calling you a cab” au
• “you’re dressed as the easter bunny at our town’s easter egg hunt and I take my younger sibling, but she’s afraid of people in costumes and you accidentally make her cry and you take off the bunny head to apologize and hey you’re kinda cute” au
• “you were a child actor in that one TV show that I can’t remember the name of and I can’t stop staring at you I’m so sorry I’m just trying to figure this out” au
• “we follow each other on instagram but don’t know each other that well and I was snooping through and liked a picture from 176 weeks ago oh god” au
• “we live in adjacent apartments and the walls are really thin, so I hear you sing every morning in the shower at 6:30 and you’re actually really good and I stand next to the wall and sing the next lyric just to see what would happen” au
• “we live in the same apartment complex and I accidentally leave my laundry in the washer for a minute too long and you decide to take out all my wet clothes to put in yours just as I walk in” au
• “I work in a grocery store and I’m putting new items on the shelf in the refrigerated section and just as I’m putting a new carton of milk on the shelf, you reach in and our hands touch” au

greenbergsays:

gayladypilots:

july-19th-club:

nerds-are-cool:

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)      
Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee
order

ii)     
I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)    
you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over
me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)    
you give me a different fake name every time you
come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here
I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)     
Flower shop AU

i)      
You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m
concerned as to why

ii)     
I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower
shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)    
(this is also a good way to incorporate flower
meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)     
Library AU

i)      
You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m
tracking u the fuck down

ii)     
I work in the library and I’m a little concerned
for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)    
The library’s pretty empty save for you and me
and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)     
Awful first time meeting

i)      
I accidentally punched you in the face when I
was too overexcited about something

ii)     
I thought you were my friend who’s just done
something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes
pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you
and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)    
You get the gist to this one

iv)    
Oooh when you told me your name I thought you
were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things
got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)     
Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)      
We live in the same block of flats but haven’t
ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to
stand in the lift together

ii)     
“okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a
weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going
to die aren’t I?”

iii)    
A personal favourite of mine – first day at a
new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last
weekend/night

iv)    
We keep accidentally running into each other I’m
not a stalker I swear

v)     
You live across from me in our apartments and we
smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re
the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)    
“My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight
could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)     
Friends to romance – pining and all that
wonderful shit

i)      
You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for
advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)     
I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)    
You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious
about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really
miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)    
Somewhere along the way of getting into bar
fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship
things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)     
Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)     
FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)      
It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date
so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)     
My homophobic parents are coming to visit will
you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)    
There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will
you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)    
I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d
stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in
too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)     
Soulmate aus

i)      
The first words your true love(s) will say to
you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really
ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick
what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god
jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high
school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you
saw me asshole?

ii)     
You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when
you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an
overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my
mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)    
The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)    
Something like whenever your soulmate sings a
duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band
but I can’t sing for shit

v)     
Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze
at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just
sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w
character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s
what)

9)     
Alternate universes for real

i)      
Mermaids

ii)     
Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand
why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but
what the fuck is happening

iii)    
Hogwarts

iv)    
We live in a world where the greek gods are real
and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to
sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)     
Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible
or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they
die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s
fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)    
Literally any movie or book universe you like
tbh just go for it

10)  
Other aus that I like

i)      
I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has
to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck
at the top? Fuck

ii)     
We work in the same office and you have a
goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW
IT ANNOYS ME

iii)    
Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and
I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)    
It started to snow and I’m the only one of our
friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others
would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who
don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my
back and declared snow war

v)     
It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still
November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the
tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the
grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in
love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)    
Current partner got a new job in America (or
other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s
not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)  
You want us both to get in shape and I hate
working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do
for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying
on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a
subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)    
You’re an actor/other famous person that I
really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or
not to say hi you came up to me and
started flirting what do I do??

x)     
You were waving at your friend behind me but I
got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you
think it’s cute

xi)    
I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking
but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think
it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)  
I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk
guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t
dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our
best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each
other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about
how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You
pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention
and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait
you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of
auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever

@gayladypilots this is right down ur alley right

yes, yes it is

THESE ARE AMAZING I LOVE THEM

persuasivus:

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
–
*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
–
*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
–
5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
–
*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
–
*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
–
15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
–
16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
–
17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
–
18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us – slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
–
19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
–
*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
–
21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
–
22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
–
23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
–
24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
–
25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
–
26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
–
27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
–
28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
–
29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
–
30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
–
31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
–
32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
–
33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
–
34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
–
35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
–
36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
–
37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
–
38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
–

*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
–

40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
–
41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
–
42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
–
43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
–
*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
–
*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
–

47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
–

48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
–

49.I ship me and that boat.
–

50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
–

51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
–

*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
–

53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
–

54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
–

55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

–
56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

–
57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

–
58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

–
59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

–

60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

–

61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

–

62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

–

63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

–

64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

–

65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

–

66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

–

67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

–

68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

–

69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

–

70.My opinion is no.

–

71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

–

72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

–

73.Which is messier – my life or my hair?

–

74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

–

75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

–

76.Read a girl who dates books.

–

77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

–

78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

–

79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

–

80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

–

81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/

/170715 ; a Temporary side note: please for the moment don’t send me requests with the numbers that have a (*). I’ve received so many requests with those, I’m starting to run out of ideas 😀 Thank you ! / – persuasivus

bat-trxsh:

1.“Fancy seeing you here.” “I work here.”

2.“Can I buy you a drink?”

3.“Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge” “Can I pick?”

4.“You know what they say, panicking burns a shit-ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

5.“If I go through with this, I die. If I don’t, we all die.”

6.“No, no, you do NOT want me navigating. I’ll accidentally navigate us off a cliff.”

7.“Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

8.“This is all your fault.” “I hope so.”

9.“I’d rather be pecked to death by a flock of hummingbirds.”

10.“You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

11.“Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

12.“Excuse me! I was a superhero for ten whole minutes!” “And in that time you got kidnapped and we had to come to the rescue”

13.“I am way too sober for this.”

14.“You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

15.“Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

16.“That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

17.“Did you just… agree with me?” “Oh, I wish I could take-““Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

18.“I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

19.“This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course, I’m in.”

20.“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner having another existential crisis.”

21.“Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

22.“What are you afraid of?” “You.”

23.“It’s a good thing you’re cute when you’re angry.”

24.“Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I break his nose a little?”

25.“Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

26.“You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

27.“It’s a long story” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

28.“You can’t just turn into a bat and fly away when you don’t want to deal with things!” “Watch me!”

29.“I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

30.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

31.“Unless I screw this up again, I’m going to marry you.” “Well you better not mess this up”

32.“Wait, you’re a superhero?” “How do you not know? My face is literally on the news on a weekly basis.” “I’m in grad school. I won’t have time to follow popular media until I finish my thesis. You’re lucky I’ve carved out some non-existent free time to date you.”

33.“I’m just really tired of watching you get thrown off the tops of buildings”

34.“Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star.”

35.“I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

36.“Whether you believe in me or not, I will continue to exist.”

37.“We’re leaving.” “But they have a lobster tank in their basement.”

38.“Take my hand.” “Why?” “I’m trying to ask you to marry me, so take my damn hand!”

39.“I don’t care where I sleep, as long as it’s with you.”

40.“You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

41.“Show me your scars.” “But… why?” “I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there.”

42.“You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

43.“She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.”

44.“I saved your life.” “You pushed me off a building.”

45.“How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

46.“I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.”

47.“I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.”

48.“You gotta stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me wanna kiss you.”

49.“I want to go home.” “And I want to go to the moon. It ain’t happening sweetheart. Time to accept that.”

50.“What now?” “I don’t know. I thought the jump would kill us.”

51.“I think that you’re not as dark as you want people to believe.”

52.“Sometimes, memories are the worst torture.”

53.“I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

54.“You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

55.“Why are they afraid of you?”

56.“Literally everything about this is illegal.”

57.“You love her don’t you?” “Was it that obvious?”

58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.”

59.“I was just kind of hoping that you’d, y’know…. fall in love with me.”

60.“It’s okay. You don’t have to love me.”

61.“You know, no one bothered me this much when I was dead.”

62.“Nope. I can’t go to hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me.”

63.“Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me.”

64.“I’d know that smirk anywhere.”