2. when he’s around all you do is tremble. when he’s around you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it’s dangerous.
3. he’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.
4. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him?
5. your hands don’t know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.
6. if you hurt him it might kill you
7. if you hurt him you might kill yourself.
8. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up. he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.
9. you still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream.
10. if you kiss him, you might wake up.
reasons to kiss him:
1. because he’s beautiful.
2. because he asked.
3. because he preceded please with, i’m not afraid of you.”
It’s a hand, Andrew says, not a question, but not quite mockery, when Neil’s gaze lingers a little too long. It’s your hand, Neil says, and doesn’t bother to explain. Instead he slips his fingers through Andrew’s and digs in like he can leave his fingerprints on Andrew’s pale skin. Andrew doesn’t pull away, and they don’t go in until the storm breaks. (x)
Neil wasn’t fooled. Andrew had made it very clear the first time he kissed Neil how important an actual “yes” was. This casual surrender wasn’t genuine consent. Andrew was doing this because of what they’d said on Wednesday, but Neil wasn’t sure which one of them Andrew was trying to convince. It’d only been three months since Proust’s abuse and four months since Drake’s attack. Neil didn’t know when Andrew would be okay with this but he knew it wasn’t today. Neil left his hand on Andrew but refused to move it from that spot. “I won’t be like them,” Neil said. “I won’t let you let me be.”
Nothing but My Aching Soul 