Matt slammed the doors closed, tugged the handles to make sure the locks caught, and gave Neil a once-over. “Hey,” he said. “Coach made us promise to leave you alone, but are you okay?”
“No,” Neil said, “but I think I will be.”
The King’s Men, chapter 14
I cried more here than anywhere else, yes Neil, you’ll be okay
one of my favourite headcanons about neil is that he’s so trained to overreact to fucking anything that could potentially ruin his secrecy and that bleeds into normal life with the foxes
like he’s using a computer at some point
and it’s like that scene with rosa from brooklyn nine nine
the computer stops loading anything
so he smashes it to pieces
“I’ll pay for that”
then throws a couple hundred dollars on top of it and walks away
everyone at the library is confused, terrified and a bit turned on
one day neil gets a nosebleed so there’s blood on his shirt
he just asks andrew to drive him somewhere
so andrew just watches as neil goes into a laundromat
throws his clothes in the wash and then walks away and tells andrew to drive
andrew doesn’t say anything but neil literally just left
a brand new fucking shirt in the washing machine
and he knows they’re not coming back to get it
and that shirt looked really good on him
so what the fuck
he buys new shoes at one point so he takes the old ones and tosses them out the window
literally breaks the window
his face is completely flat
but kevin is yelling at him his face is going fucking red and the rest of the foxes are watching with open mouths
neil pretends none of them exist
or maybe he just really doesn’t see them
he very calmly walks out of the room
goes down the stairs
and the foxes watch through the broken window as neil approaches the shoes on the pavement
pulls something out from behind his back
(it’s kerosene)
he’s literally burning his old shoes like it’s a normal thing to do because he got new ones
and hes completely nonchalant about it too
“neil…. r u ok?”
neil responds with the usual, of course, and then when prompted for further explanation he says · “they could betray my location”
what
literally w h a T
matt is hugging neil to his chest and looking like he never wants to let go bc apparently this is shit neil has had to think about all his life and sometimes matt forgets that
dan is right beside him with a hand on neils shoulder looking like she’s about to fight the ashes that used to be ratty old shoes
(neil, whose face is pressed into matt’s chest, is so confused)
meanwhile nicky cannot stop fucking laughing
and it’s a bit surprising but aaron and kevin and allison are all laughing with him
“BETRAY HIM”
nicky keeps explaining with tears in his eyes that neil was afraid his old shoes were traitors
renee kind of just watches bc she finds it endearing
as she passes neil she just kind of whispers to him that he did good
even though it was clearly unnecessary
andrew completely walked out probably 10 minutes ago
he’s just waiting for the drama to stop
and he keeps telling himself “I don’t care I really don’t care”
5. feel your hear rate climb (feel it plateau)
4. feel energy crawling under your skin (feel it settle)
3. feel your muscles pull you in a direction none can follow (feel eyes on your back anyway)
2. never feel both feet on the ground at the same time (feel the new path carved into your bones)
1. never look back (except for him)
Kevin and Neil HATE lacrosse more than life itself
Once, Andrew calls Exy ‘stickball’ and lacrosse ‘stickball on grass’
Kevin isn’t sure what he’s angrier at: the fact that Andrew called it stickball, or the fact that Andrew insinuated that lacrosse was the same as Exy when it obviously isn’t
Kevin criticizes the new Foxes by telling them they would be B-list lacrosse players. One boy bursts into tears.
In one memorable interview, Neil calls Riko the lead attacker of Edgar Allen’s lax team
Wymack is furious. Nicky is ecstatic
A lacrosse player: “I hope making fun of us makes you freaks feel better about your shitty lives and shitty team”
Neil: “I am sorry that you are stuck playing for a less exciting, less popular wannabe version of Exy. I am also sorry that your daddy wasted lots of money on Exy tutors trying to make you less horrible. It obviously failed, because you’re stuck with this pathetic excuse for a sport, and could never hope to be even a quarter the players we were. Clearly you’re projecting your bitterness on your own lack of talent, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to bad-mouth my team. You can kiss my ass and my championship trophy.”
Neil, on twitter, keeps liking and retweeting articles about why Exy is better than lacrosse. His PR team has given up trying to get him to stop
One brave reporter asks Kevin what will happen if his daughter doesn’t like Exy. Unfortunately, Kevin has had several stressful games and a couple of nightmares about the Nest; he’s too tired to control himself, so he says, “As long as she isn’t a lacrosse fan, we’ll figure something out.”
On some late-night practices, the lacrosse team swears they see a figure watching from the top of the bleachers, a black trench coat fluttering in the wind and a chess piece tattoo on his left cheekbone.
He watches scornfully for a few minutes before turning away.
“Sometimes, when I feel bad about myself as a striker, I like to watch them practice. Then I realize that I could be much, much worse,” he tells Jean in one video call.
i always draw neil like a super model (which he is, mind you) but i never draw neil being an absolute mess, which he also is, so here… the best of both worlds
Nothing but My Aching Soul 