natsume yuujinchou – Page 8 – Nothing but My Aching Soul

ladyloveandjustice:

finally watches the latest episode of natsume, dies

I want to write something half as touching as this anime someday.

OKAY HONESTLY I’M GONNA META BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A WHILE.

I think one thing that makes me love Natsume as a character is how well-written he is as a victim of abuse and neglect. A lot of time in fiction it feels like someone who’s been abused and neglected either just moves on immediately as soon as they’re in a happy situation, or is miserable about everything forever. It’ll feel like the tragic backstory comes up when it’s convenient and isn’t really worked into the character. Either than or it is EVERYTHING for the character.

But Natsume’s not either extreme, and it’s so well handled- He’s incredibly happy with his current life, in no way is he doomed to misery nor is it all he thinks about- yet at the same time, you can see how much of what he’s endured shapes who he is as a person and the awkward way he interacts with people. He’s incredibly happy to have finally found a family and friends, but on the flip side is super terrified of losing them all the time. After being treated like a burden to his entire life he’s terrified of burdening ANYONE with ANYTHING- and rather than that either being a static character trait or something that goes away as soon as it’s addressed, it’s something he’s slowly, incrementally making progress on. People point out to him that they WANT to know if something’s bothering him and even that’s it’s hurtful not to know and he’s been able to open up a little more as a result and seems to be making steady progress- but at the same time you can see him still struggling with it. Every time he decides to confide in someone or ask for help you can see him fighting his first instinct NOT to do this.

He even has problems asking people about THEIR problems because he’s worried about annoying them or crossing a boundary and he’s not used to this friend thing, how does it even work? Which honestly was so relatable.

He also overreacts SO DRAMATICALLY to causing trouble for ANYONE, like the pinnacle of this will be that time Tanuma got like, slightly hurt getting involved in an incident with him, and despite the fact he had in no way encouraged him to get involved, Natsume’s reaction was “OH GOD WHY DID THIS HAPPEN I THINK I SHOULD JUST LEAVE THIS TOWN FOREVER BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GETS HURT THIS IS A SIGN I SHOULD NEVER BE WITH PEOPLE CLEARLY”.He starts shaking.

His past seems to also seems to shape his over-the-top-accommodating personality. Part of it is just that he’s a sweet child, but it’s also pretty obvious the fact he doesn’t think of himself as worth much is why he runs himself ragged for people/youkai he barely knows. And his forgiving nature is also partly a result of being repeatedly told he basically deserves to be treated badly so it’s no big deal when someone acts terribly to him. Like, the biggest evidence of this is like he literally says at one point that it’s because he’s a weird bad person who causes trouble that some of his guardians hit and starved him and it’s not their fault, it’s his.

It’s not that his compassion is a negative quality, obvs- a lot of it also comes from empathy and not wanting to see other suffer because he know what it’s like and other such things- but whenever he gets super over-the-top with it, you get a glimpse that some of it comes from a place that is a little sad.

But one thing that really impresses me about the show is how the secret-keeping aspect is handled. So often the character keeping the true nature of their life a secret is incredibly frustrating because it’s not clear why the hell this is necessary, especially when it’s obvious the people around them would understand.

But the thing is, Natsume KNOWS rationally that his foster family and friends wouldn’t be like everyone else and disbelieve and shun him if he told them the truth, he’s experienced that so much he can’t help but be haunted by that fear. Even while thinking “yeah, the Fujiwaras would believe me” he still has dreams about them calling him a liar. Even while trusting these people and rationally knowing how they would react, he can’t erase the fear millions of bad experiences has bred in him.And that’s something that’s real, that even when you know the worst wouldn’t happen rationally, it doesn’t stop you from thinking the worst.

And on top of that, the show ties it back to his fear of being a burden thing, because it acknowledges the fact that Natsume is constantly in danger and could get horribly killed any second. He knows if he tells his family “well hey I can see demons and they kinda constantly attack me or pull me into dangerous situations. and um, there is absolutely nothing you can do to help me or protect me from this.” What also struck me was Tanuma saying “at first I didn’t get why he doesn’t tell people, but now that I know I have dreams where he’s been eaten by a youkai and every time he’s late I get scared that’s what happened.” Like shit, that would be rough and you don’t want to put your friends through that, especially when you’re someone as afraid of putting out other people as Natsume is.

This show gives rational and honestly heartwrenching reasons for Natsume’s secrecy and ties it back to his deep-seated issues, rather than being like “well, it’s secret just cuz” and that’s just impressive to me.

I just love that this anime is a lot about healing from hardship and trauma, but it also shows the healing process as something that’s slow and steady and never really done, but ultimately rewarding.

Bringing it back to the episode I just watched, I also love that we got a glimpse of his foster parents point of view, that they’re more aware of how much he’s struggling than they let on…and I just love seeing the story of someone noticing a kid is being mistreated and friggin’ DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT and taking him in. That they’re always trying to help him feel more comfortable and considering what he’s been through.

Plus, the way both his friends and family who don’t know just accept “okay, Natsume is weird and we don’t get him, he’ll do shit like start screaming suddenly or run off or see things that aren’t there and he refuses to talk about it, but he’s a good person, so who cares, we won’t bother him about it.” Like, his friends will notice him freaking out at nothing and then falling into a lake and have to jump in and save him, but just accept that this shit just happens with Natsume. They’ll tell him to be more careful but won’t get mad or annoyed. They’ll just move on because “whatever, you’re just kinda out there and I worry about you but, that’s fine, it’s how you are”. And I find that super adorable. And honestly more adorable to me because the realistic explanation anyone would have for his behavior is Natsume’s mentally ill- Touko even said previous families described him as “unstable” and his friends probably figure that’s the deal and just roll with it.

I love this show basically. is what i’m saying.