sonyathefairy:

The foxes as quotes from John Mulaney’s ‘Kid Gorgeous’

Neil: “In high school, people were like, ‘What are your top 3 colleges?’ I was like, top 3 colleges? I thought I’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”

Aaron: “I don’t know what my body is for, other than to carry my head from room to room.”

Andrew: “‘Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and i will totally kill that guy for you.’”

Allison: “She said, ‘You can make fun of me, just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.’ I was like ‘Whoa, the bar is so much lower than I ever imagined, that’s it?!’”

Matt: “My wife is a bitch and i like her SO MUCH.”

Nicky: “My dad once grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me up during church and said ‘God can’t hear you.’”

Dan: “Oh, you mean like having friends?”

Kevin: “College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.”

Renee: “I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. A lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world.”

Bonus:

Wymack: “Just explain this to me: how are you better than a nazi?”

Bee: “We noticed you had all been bullying each other and making fun of everything constantly. So we invite a woman with straight gray hair, in a denim dress, with a wrist-cast and puppets that all have the same voice to teach you about bullying through skits, and you ha-ha-ha, laugh it up.”

Abby: “I’ve never really cared about politics. But then, last November, the craziest thing happened.”