Tag: i’m crying in the club

knoxeau:

I love the idea of Andrew reclaiming control of himself and what he does with Neil by being soft and loving and tender

  • Andrew and Neil holding hands more and more as Andrew gets used to the feeling of skin against his own but in a good way
  • Tracing ever single one of Neil’s scars with the gentlest and most reverent fingers, committing them to touch memory so that he will always know that the body next to him is Neil, is safe
  • Andrew is so fucking careful with how he touches Neil that at first, when they start to go further, Neil has no idea how to deal with it because nobody has ever treated him like he mattered that much before
  • Andrew softly pressing kisses to Neil’s neck and chin because it’s easy to reach and because he likes the way Neil’s breath hitches
  • (Andrew asking for Neil to give him a hickey but it takes way to long because Neil keeps stopping and asking if its still a yes)
  • Andrew letting himself want things with Neil, letting himself like things with Neil
  • Andrew not being able to sleep next to Neil not because there’s another body in his bed but because he can’t stop watching Neil’s face when he finally relaxes into sleep
  • Alternatively, Andrew getting so comfortable with Neil that on bad days when he’s just done, all he needs is his back to the wall and Neil beside him and he’s out like a light
  • Andrew learning Neil’s ‘favourite’ things (e.g colour, fruit, time of day etc) not because he asked for them but because he observed how Neil reacted to and with them
  • Honestly Andrew ‘Neil Watches’ at a professional level, if he didn’t have a good memory he would definitely have a notebook or something with all of his observations
  • Andrew is super direct and blunt about asking for things he wants but this is only after months of agonising over this thing and asking Betsy at least one hundred times if it’s an okay thing to want
  • Blushing when Neil says stupid things like ‘I want to spend time with you’ and ‘Andrew is my favourite’ and ‘I trust you’
  • Slowly learning to accept that Neil isn’t lying when he says things like that
  • (Slowly learning to accept that he really likes it when Neil says things like that)
  • Just, Andrew being soft and allowing himself to be soft