neil and andrew’s first kiss is so important
it’s andrew giving in to an impulse he’s been fighting off because he knows deep down kissing neil would not be anything like kissing roland. because he cares about neil and he hates it but he knows that there’s no turning back now
it’s neil figuring out that he really does want this but still unsure if it’s worth the risk
it’s andrew saying ‘tell me no’ and neil not saying anything because he’s kind of in the middle of a crisis and he wants to kiss andrew, he doesn’t want to say ‘no’ but he can’t say ‘yes’ yet either
and it’s andrew pushing neil away even though he doesn’t tell him ‘no’ because he didn’t say ‘yes’ either and he knows that even if he had neil isn’t in any state of mind to be able to give consent
that kiss on the roof is the start of everything and andrew is terrified of falling but he’s really too late to stop it
“that kiss on the roof is the start of everything and andrew is terrified of falling ”
No he’s literally terrified of falling. And yet he kisses Neil in a place his is afraid, a kiss that he is scared of initiating.
He acts vulnerably in a place he feels unsafe because he trusts neilHOW DARE YOU MAKE MY MUMMIFIED HEART FEEL THINGS
but also consider that andrew who has never been given the right to consent is handing Neil that choice here
He’s refusing to become the abuser, to put Neil in that position because he knows what it feels like
Andrew can be selfish at times, he can be violent and inconsiderate and downright cruel but in this moment he is just a vulnerable boy saying ‘they never let me choose, I won’t be like them’ with the way he walks away
And I for one am so damn proud
my boyyyy
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Nothing but My Aching Soul 