yuo do n ot know how bad im crying
okay im crying over this again because like…holy shit, neil gets it. he understands and hes digging into places he shouldnt be able to and hes saying things that he shouldnt be and it messes me up bc in the end neil is actually the one who wants to stay with andrew and came back to him and will always be with him now even through all of the bad shit and andrew has never had this and doesn’t know what the fuck to think and he hates him
i rarely add anything to a post but fuck it, this hurts and i have so many Feels about this. when andrew says “stay” and asks “what will it take to make you stay?”, do you think a subconscious part of him wants neil to actually stay? that he’s not just saying these things as part of his deal with neil? and i don’t think andrew realizes how much of “you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs” and “you are a pipe dream” reveal; they reveal that andrew thinks neil is too good to be true, that one day, inevitably, neil will disappear and leave like all the others, because he thinks neil is not real and he’s just something andrew’s brain conjured because of the drugs. how important was it to andrew to have neil say “i am not a pipe dream. i’m not going anywhere”? how badly did he need to hear those words, even though he knows that he shouldn’t have his hopes up, if there are any feelings of hope in the first place? he knows better than to do this, and yet.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 