neil josten: [face down on the floor] listen everything is totally fine
andrew minyard: “how’re you doing?” and how would i know that
kevin day: who needs broadway when every trip in my car is one-man production of hamilton starring me as everyone
nicky hemmick: the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian
matt boyd: “why do you talk to your pet like a human?” first of all, that is my child
dan wilds:
if you ever get in a fight with your significant other just breathe in the helium out of a balloon and have an argument and the first one to laugh loses
allison reynolds: u kno when you’re crying and u catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you’re like??? if this was a movie this scene would have won me an oscar
renee walker: if a girl asks me for a tampon and i don’t have one for her, best believe we bouta search the entire vicinity together to find her a tampon
aaron minyard:
what if everytime u got nervous you yodelled
david wymack:
my blood type is somewhere between vanilla latte and vodka soda with extra lime
betsy dobson: I love to MEME (Massively Express My Emotions).
abby winfield: i hate making tea cuz i feel bad for throwing out the teabag. i’m always like i should eat this
+ BONUS
jean moreau: my plan B for everything is to die before it happens
jeremy knox: i’ll do a lot of things but admitting to jean that i’m cold when he told me to bring a jacket is not one of them
sara alvarez: romeo oh romeo can thou telleth me if i am thy bae or naw
laila dermott: reminder that winnie the pooh wore a crop top w/ no panties and ate his fave food and loved himself and u can too
erik klose: “found the feminist lol” yeah im not hiding
Well it’s canon that Neil and Mary used to sleep back to back with guns under their pillows so I have no issue believing this. But you know what, I’m gonna take this prompt a tiny bit lighter than I usually do.
neil josten: that awkward moment between birth and death
andrew minyard: 80s music brings me back to good times like when i wasnt alive
kevin day: “what’s a queen without her king” well, historically, better
nicky hemmick: whenever i say “wow” in a weird ass voice i’m either referencing owen willson or that vine of some guy at a party watching that girl vape
matt boyd: phones nowadays so expensive you fall and hear a crack sound and you pray it’s your leg
dan wilds: Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever closed 15 tabs after finishing a project
allison reynolds: “i thought you said you were done with him” first of all…. that was 3 seconds ago, he’s a different person now
renee walker: i think my priest might be gay??? i mean he keeps saying “ah, men” after each prayer
aaron minyard:
how do people get up and motivate themselves to go to the gym around 5-6 in the morning? i struggle to crack a smile around 2pm
david wymack: omfg i HATE when kids scream in public… u have no real problems. it should be me screaming. ME
betsy dobson: I told my boss I needed a pay rise, I said that 3 other companies were after me. He said: “which ones?” and I replied: “the electricity, gas and the water.”
abby winfield:
what’s worse than a heartbreak???? stepping on your dog’s tail and not being able to explain that you’re sorry
+ BONUS
jean moreau: *speaks french*
jeremy knox, crying: how do you do that with your mouth
Nothing but My Aching Soul 