What’s it like to dream?, Blue asks, fareaway from the others. Cabeswater’s warm air is all around them, trees whispering in mild summer breezes and Ronan stops in his tracks, momentarily lost in the moment. Like falling in love, Ronan whispers finally and watches Adam from afar.
What’s it like to dream?, Matthew asks one day after they leave the church. Suits rumpled from sitting too long, the bells still chiming in the background. His keys feel unnaturally hot and heavy in his hand. Like being God, Ronan smiles, razor-sharp and drives away.
What’s it like to dream?, Kavinsky cackles over the brutal sound of his roaring engine. The air reeks of gasoline and sulfur and Ronan feels like something’s burning on a leash, a graveyard of wasted dreams between them. Like destroying the world, Ronan says and leaves without a second glance.
What’s it like to dream?, Gansey asks full of excitement, eyes glistening in the dark night. They’re sitting side by side and Ronan watches in silence as Gansey builds his miniature Henrietta anew. There’s the faint sound of a buzzing insect somewhere in the manufacture that keeps him alerted. Like waking up, Ronan murmurs and closes his eyes against the cold air.
What’s it like to dream?, Declan snarls with something like disappointment on his tongue. They’re fighting, they always are and Ronan throws as much punches as Declan does – perhaps even more so. I don’t dream, Ronan bristles and puts his guard up again, shoulders square, face blank when Declan’s fist hits him.
What’s it like to dream?, Noah whispers, voice thick of grief and fear. An old chimney clock is ticking somewhere inside Monmouth, remind them that their time is running out. Ronan reaches out but Noah is cold, frozen skin over frozen bones. Like cheating death, Ronan answers, voice painfully aware of Noah’s fading presence.
What’s it like to dream?, Adam asks carefully and looks at Ronan with a small smile. The smell of fresh air is all around them, cows sleeping peaceful in wide green fields, the Barns towering in the background like a reassuring presence. Like coming home, Ronan says and places kisses along Adam’s fingers one by one.
not sure if you wanted this as a fic so I’m just treating it as an opportunity to TALK (but let me know if u want me to write a story about it!)
I actually DO think they would and here’s why:
Neil canonically likes the feeling of security that comes with being held up (i.e.: andrew up against him in the club, andrew boxing him in at the car after he comes back sober for the first time, andrew holding him up in the shower while he sucks his dick for dear life)
And he’s touch starved as fuck tbh, I’ve been pointing towards both of these things in a lot of fic but i think they’re a pretty big part of neil’s characterization
he IS uncomfortable with no way out – like having his back to the door or feeling cornered, but we know that andrew has never made neil feel this way
he’s a blanket, not a straight jacket. he’s not a constricting force at. all. he’s pure comfort for neil. neil lets himself go when he’s with andrew (remember the bus in tkm? he loses track of time when he’s with andrew. do u think neil josten had ever forgotten to track a single second of his life before he started enjoying it?)
leaning over andrew in a beanbag chair or sitting pressed shoulder to ankle into him in a bus are the building blocks to sitting tangled up in each other, man. like neil feeling safe and wanted?? there’s no way that wouldn’t appeal to him a little bit. I guarantee you he doesn’t care about other people’s attitudes towards lap sitting, he’s the prince of sudden and intense emotional exchanges
anyway stay with me here
andrew wouldn’t want to be trapped under someone in a bedroom setting at all and we know that that boundary is never pushed
but we also got to see some of his tender first steps towards vulnerability (physically.. bc he’s been emotionally vulnerable w neil since he first started talking to him sober – ‘I won’t let you let me be’ anyone?) like letting neil push him down while they’re kissing within the first like 6 MONTHS that they’re together
they have a lifetime. they have months and years and decades for andrew to identify the closeness that he wants as something he can have
he loves neil’s malleability, how well he follows instructions (😏 ) his sprawling limbs in the morning when they’re sore from practice and barefoot and quite honestly ruining andrew’s life
he tugs Neil over on their couch so that he’s toppled all over him, and andrew can inhale at his neck and squeeze his thighs, not looking at him but feeling like a real person grounded in another person who would get off of him if he asked, without question or complaint
I feel like the other way around would be less of an issue? andrew sits in neil’s lap because he has comfortable muscular thighs and sometimes the couch is full like?? what’s ur point nicky???
he yes or no’s neil probably, and he makes sure his body isn’t blocking neil’s view of the exit, but like. Neil can’t feel the need to bolt when andrew is willfully this close to him, spread out w his feet on the table and his neck kinda squishing neil’s face & like it’s not at all sexy but he’s trusting neil with HIS back for once
anyway my point is.. if ur together for long enough, there aren’t that many things that you won’t try, and closeness is andreil’s language
they thrive on tight wordless contact; they shared a bed as early as tkm (that keeps me up at night btw…. what was andrew thinking when neil settled in beside him all stiff, thinking so loud, then went utterly sweet and relaxed as soon as Andrew kissed his mouth……… do u think he’d Ever shared a bed before then w positive results……….. like.. I’m just saying) and andrew jerked off while breathing into neil’s mouth like
nicky forces neil to get a new phone and eventually neil makes an instagram and as he starts getting more followers he gets more comfortable with having social media and does 60 second Q&A’s with the team at the fans request
the first one he does is with kevin because of popular demand
neil does it on the court after night practice with kevin and he reads a few questions that exy fans have commented on his previous posts
‘kevin, what are you a queen of besides exy? no I’ll answer this, the answer is nothing, kevin sucks”
“fuck off neil” kevin gets serious and the rest of the video is kevin extensively and aggressively talking about exy until the timer cuts off
he does dan next and it’s the cutest 60 second video out there okay dan is sitting next to matt on the couch while neil is filming
he asks her how it feels to be “the best female exy captain in the NCAA” dan gets the biggest smile on her face and scrunches up her nose before she answers
‘oh that’s sweet, who wants to know? I like this person. It feels great! but it’s stressful at times, there is a lot of sexism in the world but I usually ignore it in favor of focusing on how lucky I am to have such a great team.”
matt’s looking at her while she’s talking and u can literally see the love and admiration in his eyes, fans are crying in the comments about how cute they are, so am I
when he does renee, most of the comments are asking about her hair so she explains how she dilutes the bright colors by mixing them with conditioner to make them more pastel
“but that’s the easy part, root upkeep is the worst tho, I hate touch ups.”
neil vaguely knows what she’s talking about cause he’ll sit in the room when andrew helps her with her hair
nicky manages to tell half his life story in 60 seconds
neil uploads a second video of nicky giving advice to queer kids afraid to come out because of strict and religious parents or unsafe home lives
aaron walks away when neil tries to do his so instead neil uploads a five second video that’s just him zooming in on aaron sitting in a beanbag chair playing video games “aaron’s a dick.”
matt gets asked about his boxing background and he beams at the chance to talk about his mom
“she’s so badass, she taught me everything I know, she could kick anyone’s ass” he points at the camera “she’ll kick your ass. better watch out”
allison gives fashion tips, she also roasts neil for how he dressed when he first joined the team “god u guys should have seen him, fucking awful. nicky and I fixed him up tho, but it took a lot of work cause neil likes to make things difficult”
when neil gets to andrew nobody expects him to actually upload anything but when he does the results are hilarious
neil sits next to andrew with the camera frontfaced so half of neil’s face is in the frame, andrew is curled up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and his glasses on “it’s time for your interview andrew”
andrew just stares at him
“why didn’t you sign with the rav- wait that’s a stupid fucking question, we’re not doing that one. alright. how many times have you and aaron been mistaken for one another?”
andrew stares at the camera in silence
“tragic. next question. how are you so good at blocking goals?
silence
“incredible. what is your honest opinion about kevin day?”
andrew stares for a couple seconds before rolling his eyes and getting up to walk away, neil laughs and nods “I agree”
BONUS: andrew has neil’s phone while they’re on the roof, neil is holding his cigarette and andrew starts filming, pointing the camera so you can only see neil
“hey junkie, it’s your turn to be interviewed” “alright”
“how does it feel to finally have a real home?”
neil smiles softly, but he’s looking at andrew not the camera “like I’m finally living, like I’ve got everything I could ever want”
there’s a short pause before you can faintly hear “285%” and the video cuts off
thanks to @everythingthatmatters for creeping everyone out with the countdown. see you in a few :^ thanks to @aionwatha for existing, and also for the feedback on the video xD
“Today’s sobering “0” had arrived during lunch. Neil didn’t know what to make of it or what to expect next. It was as anticlimactic as it was nerve-wracking.“
Nothing but My Aching Soul 