but like how terrifying must it have been for andrew to experience this heart pounding fixation w someone like he never has before in his LIFE
and to come off of his meds and realize his feelings are real & unavoidable
falling back on his medication as an excuse for the strangeness in his heart, having that excuse ripped out from under him so all that’s left is neil staring and following and asking him for things
and realizing he wants to give him it all
like wtF man
But think tho, its not just find out all that stuffs real. Its him coming out of rehab after /weeks/ of abuse and torment at the hands of Proust, that came immediately after being raped, again, by Drake.
Can you imagine how fucked up he is when he comes out of rehab? I mean, we know the first thing he does is upend his bag over a dumpster. Those were his own clothes and he doesn’t want to see any of them ever again. And who could blame him? He has perfect memory and every time he sees one of them it’s a memory.
But think about this. He gets out of rehab. He doesn’t even try to acknowledge any of them. He drowns at Nicky when he tries to talk. He just drives until their back on campus.
Neil moves passed him, to reach into the car for his binder, and /Andrew moves closer./ “There was nowhere for Neil to stand except against Andrew” it says. Andrew /deliberately/ moved that close to him. Then, THEN, it says “At length Andrew took a step back”. AT LENGTH.
We know Neil was waxing poetic about how strong Andrew was and what a relief it was to have him back to lean on and all that. Do you think this was it?? The moment Andrew realizes /this is real/?
And then think about what a stab in the gut it must of been when they’re on that rooftop after and Neil tells him he was at Evermore, and Andrew realizes what must be behind that bandage on his cheek. And that first moment when he sees that “4” and thinks he trusted the wrong person? Trusted them with /Kevin/?
BUT then- BUT THEN! To find out the truth, about what Neil went through, and that Neil did it for him?? How much that must have messed him up?? In one day going from Proust’s, metaphorical and literal, clutches to /Neil/? Who was already real in all the ways he can’t deal with right then, and to find out he did all that for /Andrew/?
And we know Andrew immediately gets upset about it. He immediately tells Neil he never should have done that, that Andrew didn’t want it. He can’t hear “Neil would was willing to do this for you because you’re worthy of that”. He just hears “Neil got hurt because of you.” He tells him to never to do it again, to let Andrew alone do the protecting.
But Neil, easy and undemanding and /impossible/ because of it, just says “If it means losing you, then no.”
And you know what I think? I think that’s the moment the world tilted a little bit sideways for Andrew. And with everything he was already dealing with, everything Neil had already thrown at him, and with him already struggling to find his footing again after everything that had happened?
I don’t think it’s any surprise at all his response to that is “I hate you.”
That is definitely an interesting point of view. I never really think that Andrew thinks Kevin and Aaron and Neil are weak, but reading Nora’s answer to your question from long ago, Etra, I think it may answer your question now (coincidence? I think not! :D).
“
Then Neil says Proust and that’s a problem, because that’s not
how this works. Having someone else take the hits for him means Andrew
couldn’t take them himself. It’s a judgment call against who he is and
what he can handle and Neil is the last person who should make that
mistake as far as Andrew is concerned. Neil, who is so stupid but so
smart, who always looks a heartbeat from running but refuses to leave
the court, does not have the right to assume that Andrew needs
protecting, to judge Andrew as weak and defenseless.”
But even after that, I still don’t think that the people that Andrew thinks need protection are weak, per se (yes, that’s included you and your liquid spine, Kevin.). I take it more as a..moral support? for people who’s not (yet, or don’t want to, in Aaron’s case) brave enough to fight their battle against their demons. Which is absurd, when you think about Andrew and his relationships with people in general.
But again, he thought that Neil actually had everything he needs. (”I can’t.” ”You can. You have everything you need to survive. You’re just too afraid to see it.“) Neil was not defenseless, not really, as long as he’s holding his ground and stay on spotlight. And that’s exactly what Andrew wanted; Neil stopped being a rabbit and started picking up his fights, because Andrew believed Neil could win this fight against Riko and stayed alive. And he wouldn’t be alone fighting his fight, because Andrew promised to be there too (5 feet blonde moral support with little to no patience and twenty knives, I tell you). Aaron and Kevin, well, Aaron for one, didn’t plan to fight Tilda like, ever, in the name of the blood relation. And maybe he thought this is the price he should pay for having a mom at all and for loving her, so Andrew saw this and thought that this is wrong and took the matter in his hand because Aaron refused to do anything about this. Kevin, oh Kevin, I’m so tempted to just say that Kevin is just a precious bean, but as Nora said, his relationship with Riko couldn’t exactly described with one word and as complex as it was, I think Kevin was afraid but angry, hate but still loved Riko as a brother, as an owner, as a partner. And this, only made everything messier for Kevin.
On the other hand: “The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?” “If it means losing you, then no.”
and “I can’t unless you let me go,” Neil said, quiet but firm. “Stand with me, but don’t fight for me. Let me learn to fight for myself.”
and “Speaking of other Minyard… He really did it, didn’t he? Probably the most decisive thing he has ever managed. Where was that spine when his mother was beating him? It would have come handy all those years. Someone ought to congratulate him.”
So yeah, maybe Andrew thinks needing protection is weak, or being people in general, who’s not him, is weak. But I still can’t, can’t think of Neil Josten, number 10, starting striker, Foxhole Court, as weak. He may not be a fighter who can throw a punch like Matt and don’t know how to cut a man open throat to groin like Renee, but he stopped running so he could have what he always wanted, he’s been tortured trying to save Andrew, to save the Foxes from Riko, he’s given himself up to his father, who killed his mother and of whom he’s so afraid, he spent 9 years of his life running though 22 cities in whole Europe and US with a dozen fake identities so his family, his foxes, his home would be save, and Neil Abram Josten is anything but weak.
that bit from the extra content was exactly the reason why I added those tags, and I agree to everything. it’s already stated in canon that andrew doesn’t treat himself like he treats others (will keep his chosen ones from harm but won’t give half a shit if he gets hurt), and I think it’s safe to assume that he doesn’t actually think the others as weak in the most direct and simple way; it’s never about others not having the ability to do things, but their lack of will to do it (kevin to stand up for himself, neil to stop running, aaron to see the inevitable logic behind andrew’s actions). that seems to be what “frustrates” him, what makes his protection necessary.
I also really think that andrew has huge double standards, because his past pushed him to rationalise things in terms of agency and personal mistakes that prevented him from using it (the extra bit about his fear not being heights, but the consequence of falling, which makes me think that his phobia is the elaboration of his trauma in a narration that has himself as an active variable, a responsible agent, because the alternative of being weak and defenceless is unacceptable), and considering how analytical he is, I can’t help but wonder if he realises that and how he allows such a blatant, illogical thing in his reality. even more than that, I wonder whether Bee knows.
My favourite Viktor moments are when he is an adorable idiot.
I love exploring Viktor’s character because despite being the most senior character among the skaters and being seen as the one to chase and look up to, this boy truly does a lot of stupid things. To be fair, 27 is still quite young. It’s a shitty age when everyone plus their dog seems to think you know what you are doing except you. I can tell you all the weird decisions and unnecessary drama people have and get into at 27, but then this post will never end.
Now, we know about the whole banquet fiasco and the whole impulsively flying to Japan arms open, dick out thing, not to mention the whole car park “let’s shatter his heart” shenanigans, but I also have these screencaps stewing for maybe a month in my phone because I remember I was rewatching the show and these just made me go, “Oh, Viktor.”
Okay, so we know Hot Springs on Ice all started with Viktor’s idea…
…to which Yurio gamely accepts the challenge and issues his own (while Yuuri adorably panics in the background like the puppy he is)…
…which Viktor also accepts.
Look at him all excited.
Here, though, is where Viktor gets himself in trouble:
He’s been riling Yurio up the entire morning that the kid just up and threw a tantrum and demanded this prize. But then, no problem, since it’s not like Viktor had to accept or anything–
Yuuri’s face when Viktor agreed, though.
*sigh* Same, Yuuri. Same.
It seems that it’s not until later that Viktor realises the trouble he put himself in. At this point, we didn’t know yet just how invested Viktor was in Yuuri Katsuki (i.e., very invested and nursing a weird kind of crush, probably) and how important it is that he doesn’t coach just anyone, but Yuuri Katsuki only. How ever good Yuuri could potentially be, however, there was still a big chance that he could actually lose to Yurio. Yuuri sometimes choked during competition. Yurio, on the other hand, was the juniors gold medallist. There was a very real possibility that Yurio would win and Viktor to have to go back to Russia.
Having realised this, Viktor then began to sport this face:
This is Viktor during Yurio’s performance:
At this point, Viktor didn’t know yet that Yuuri had a breakthrough on his Eros performance. As far as he knew, Yurio was the one who found his Agape. While Yurio’s performance was not perfect, he was doing well enough.
That, right there, is what Viktor Nikiforov looks like when he knows he is in very deep shit.
What’s interesting though is that these expressions were not really blatantly pointed out in the show. No one notices this, and Viktor just stands in his corner looking like that. With what knowledge we had at episode 3, we don’t know, maybe he just looks thoughtful because Viktor Nikiforov is just a mysterious character. Lol, but rewatching this after season 1 is over?
Yeah, Viktor. Because of you, for about an entire episode, we were in danger of never having the events that would lead to the kiss at the Cup of China, the exchange of rings in Barcelona, and the glorious masterpiece that is Yuuri’s record-breaking free skate. Viktor, Viktor, Viktor… sometimes just *facepalm*
Thankfully, Yuuri DID find his Eros at the last minute, wins the competition, and consequently saves Viktor’s gorgeous but impulsive arse and gives us the wonderful events of season 1. Thank you, Yuuri! ♡
Lol, look at how happy and relieved this dork is:
There he is, ladies and gentlemen, our Viktor Nikiforov – king of impulsive decisions. For a long time we thought he was such a mysterious character. Now, we just… wtf, we know him better and we love him very much, but sometimes
Viktor, no. For fuck’s sake.
*sigh* Same, Yuuri. Same.
–
Bonus: Viktor during Yuuri’s Eros performance. He probably realised he’s safe at this point, and I bet he was enthralled again, and possibly getting turned on by Yuuri Katsuki falling in love again.
I’ve
spent some time lately trying to figure out why, exactly, it always rings false
to me when people call Viktor a “playboy.” And I think I figured it out:
Viktor
Nikiforov believes in love.
Viktor
is definitely presented as a playboy. That’s not the problem: he has millions
of male and female fans who literally swoon over him, he’s noted for being “free
with his charms,” is called “the world’s hottest bachelor,” and his initial
behavior with Yuuri is very forward,
physical, and flirtatious. Even seven episodes of character growth in, his
initial reaction to comfort Yuuri is kissing
him.
So
it’s not that Viktor doesn’t have the groundwork laid for this interpretation.
Most
“playboy” archetypes fall into this pattern of having been hurt in the pat by
someone—a parent, a friend, usually a former lover—and they are now jaded and
no longer believe in love. The love interest is there to facilitate the playboy’s
growth by being warm and loving and caring and everything the playboy needs and
convince them that love doesn’t have to hurt. The playboy’s character arc takes
them through this long trial in which their love interest is used as free
emotional labor and an emotional punching bag while the playboy works out his
personal issues.
While
we have basically no backstory on Viktor, he doesn’t appear to have been hurt
like this in the past. He’s just a sad, lonely man with major depressive
disorder and no friends or family, apparently. Which, as my brother pointed out
when I made this argument to him, doesn’t sound very much like a playboy.
As
soon as he meets Yuuri at the banquet and realizes, “I could fall in love with
this man,” he chases it with
everything he has. He already knows how much he wants and needs love and how
much good it could do him. He’s not running away from affection, he’s running
full-tilt toward it.
Which
neatly averts any “using Yuuri as an emotional punching bag,” and for that I
will be forever grateful.
This is gonna be a long post and I’m on mobile so incorporating pics is hard – sorry for all the words.
So I’ve seen a lot of posts relating the “cannon-ness” of Yuri and Victor’s relationship to the exchange of the words “I love you.” But here’s the thing – this anime was written and produced in Japan, by a Japanese person who, clearly, wanted to convey a very realistic and normal romantic relationship. Allow me to elaborate.
The Shoujo and BL genres are full of grandiose love confessions and large public displays of physical affection, but those types of things are considered a sort of fantasy – Japanese culture, and real romance in the culture of Japan, is very reserved. Many couples might never exchange the words “I love you” and displays of physical affection are VERY private and considered embarrassing in public. This shows largely in Yuri’s character – the only physical affection we see him initiate in public (aside from actions driven by intoxication) is hugging, and then only when he is overcome with emotion. His proposal was very Japanese in nature – not direct, but in his mind, very clear in intent. In fact, the only reason we, the audience, ever get any clear signals of romance is because of Victor – Victor is the one to say in so many words that they are engaged. Victor initiates a public kiss, which was censored, I believed largely in part for the sake of privacy, even in this moment of extreme public affection. And this is only because Victor isn’t Japanese, and wouldn’t have the same reservation with being more straightforward. Victor is a very large part of what makes their romance so globally accessible.
Now, to circle back to my earlier point – that this anime tries very hard to convey a realistic, healthy relationship as opposed to a dramatic, fantastical one. This is important, again due to cultural context. Relationships between two people of the same gender are not considered normal or positive in Japan. They are stigmatized, fetishized, blemishes to a family name. They are popularly a fantasy in fictive story-telling, and even at that they are a fantasy for straight women, not queer individuals. The creators of this show wanted to convey, not necessarily an everyday romance, but one that would be more grounded, healthy an unfetishized. A romantic subplot you might see between male and female characters. The evidence of this is very largely in the quietest scenes of the anime – the beach scene. Had this been a Shoujo or BL anime, this scene would have played out very differently. It would have been a moment of confession, of fluttering heartbeats, of blushy eye contact but that’s not what we got. We got a true heart-to-heart, two characters coming together and building trust with each other in a moment of vulnerability. We see this again in their little spat in episode 10. This scene played out very realistically. They argued a bit, got frustrated, and well of course we know how the rest of the night went. In a romantic genere, this might have lead to a breakup scene, but little spats like this are common in relationships and are hardly ever signs of a couple wanting to break things off. There are so many more scenes I could point out but those two were my favorite examples and you get the idea.
In conclusion I love this show with all my heart and I love all the attention it’s getting, but while it is very globally digestible thanks to the high diversity of character, you cannot remove this show from the context in which it was written, from the person who wrote it. Victor and Yuri’s relationship IS 100% cannon, but you cannot impose western expectations on the way in which the story unfolds.
I just love how they actually went through with this scene.
You all get it now, Yuuri’s asking for ONE MORE YEAR, specifically because he knows that IF IN ONE MORE YEAR, HE’S ABLE TO WIN GOLD, THEN THAT WOULD MEAN THEY WILL BOTH BE ABLE TO GET MARRIED.
And just look how
delighted Victor is with the idea.
But what comes after is what I adore. Because you see, Victor knows how much Yuuri loves to be on the ice, he knows the boy still has SO MUCH TO GIVE. Even if it means they’ll be able to get married after Yuuri wins gold he wants the other boy to keep on going. He wants the boy he loves to keep on skating.
He loves to see him skate.
And the things is, YUURI’S STILL NOT READY TO GIVE UP ON SKATING EITHER.
While Yuuri’s actually surprised with Victor’s new proposal. He then comes to understand what it means. Both Victor and Yuuri love to see each other on the ice. Victor for his part wants Yuuri to never retire, while Yuuri’s willing to retire just so the other man would not have worry about him, and be able to do his comeback next year.
But Victor then clears all of his doubts. He says, he will make his comeback, both as a competitive figure skater and as Yuuri’s coach.
That’s when it all clicks for Yuuri, and he just can’t believe it, because this man is not just willing to stay with him for just one more year, but for as long as Yuuri remains on the ice.
This is the smile of a man who’s got his complete faith put on the other boy. He has no doubts about his choice.
At the end he can’t really decided wether to laugh or cry, because this russian man in front of him is just ridiculous, becoming a five-time world champion?! He has to be joking… But Yuuri knows better, and that’s what brings the tears, because he believes each and every word the other just said, despite of the odds, he believes Victor perceives it as a possibility. And he knows what Victor sees in him… greatness, and Yuuri is proud.
There were so so so many moments in the episode where i was like “YES here we are… an emotional culmination is about to happen!!” Like either before yuri’s free skate or after, or during their argument in the beginning. And we came so close! But the conversation was always cut off so abruptly …… if you think about it episode 7 had a much shorter argument/resolution but felt so satisfying because yuri and victor made a significant step forward in their relationship. But now we as the audience know that the only thing left for them to do is to draw the line. The whole “let’s get married after you get gold”, talks of retirement or not etc… all this that needs to be aired out. A line between fiances and coach/student. And if there’s a season 2 it makes sense that none of this was wrapped up. But ill be so crushed if we never see them define their relationship fully…
yuuri and viktor are sort of both trash at understanding each other right off the bat in emotional moments but what i really, really, really love is that when one of them fucks up, the other person doesn’t hold it in and let that problem grow and feelings get worse–they get mad. and they say that.
when viktor ~shattered his glass heart~ in episode 7, yuuri didn’t just get hurt, he was angry that he was hurt. so he told viktor exactly what the problem was. just saying “sorry, i didn’t mean it” doesn’t fix it. yuuri actually straight up says “i know you didn’t mean it, but that you’d say it at all fucking sucks, and in the future here is what i want out of you. here is what you can do better.”
and viktor!! listens!!! he visibly throughout the rest of the series has made efforts to avoid behavior that would upset yuuri like that again.
and it’s reversed in episode 12. yuuri absolutely shocks viktor, and viktor says to him, “you’re being selfish. you’re hurting me. and i’m mad.” yuuri doesn’t exactly… get why viktor feels that way, but when he sees viktor clamming up again before his free skate he essentially just says “cut it out with this coach act and express yourself” and that brings down their walls.
compatible couples don’t have to be on a perfect wavelength. they don’t have to know, without question, what the other person is thinking. there are always going to be communication issues. and yuuri and viktor absolutely have them!! but what matters is how you deal with it and how you resolve it and when you’re open with the fact that there is even an issue at all.
Can I just say how much I loved the way their argument was handled? I’ve said it before after the last episode without going into detail, but I really hate the ‘I’m breaking up with you for your own good’ trope. I hate it with a fiery passion.
(And yes, Yuuri was technically only talking about their professional relationship and not their personal one, but on this show, they’re pretty much one and the same. The airport ‘proposal’ was about Yuuri retiring, the engagement about a good luck charm for skating, their possible marriage about a gold medal. If Yuuri ends their professional relationship, that’s bad news.)
So yes, I was very annoyed after the cliffhanger because it was pretty clear after seeing Yuuri’s and Viktor’s reactions during the other skater’s performances that THIS was gonna be the issue.
And it was.
Yuuri has watched Viktor watch the other skaters, and he’s drawn his own conclusions – fueled by his own insecurity. He thinks he’s dragging Viktor down, that Viktor misses skating and is only staying with him because Yuuri is being selfish. And considering Viktor’s final decision, there might be some truth in there. But as we know, Viktor’s feelings concerning his career are MUCH more complicated than that.
And that is my main issue with this trope. Because seriously Yuuri – there are obviously some unresolved issues there, but ultimately, whether Viktor wants to have a comback or not is his decision and not yours. You do NOT get to decide over your partner’s head what’s good for them and what isn’t. You’re not their parent, your their partner and as an adult, they can make decisions themselves.
So I was incredibly satisfied with the way Viktor reacted. Angry/disappointed tears aside, what does that boy do?
He calls him selfish
Slaps his hand away
Yells at him
And literally tries to shake some sense into the guy.
You go, Viktor. Good on you. Show your fiancé what a colossal ass he’s making out of himself.
So I’ve been thinking more and more about Yuuri since entering his headspace requires you to enter the Lost Five Years. We can kinda sorta guess where he was while in Hasetsu, but his years in America are just…. the more you think about it the more you’re like—it’s basically that sports movie where the protag changes their life to follow their dream except there’s no fucking climax.
(Unless someone will do the thing of screenshotting all of his trophies and guestimating which ones match which competitions. No I didn’t attempt this. Don’t judge me.)
But… here’s me throwing my hat in the ring of how he was as a competitor.
The best place to go for nearly any of younger!Yuuri would be the younger skaters. Aspects of them, I’m assuming, are mirrors of where Yuuri was. JJ’s fall at the GPF was a direct mirror of Yuuri and the moment where he finally admits what all of fandom knew—You Are One of the Best Six Male Figure Skaters In the World Please Stop Shitting On Yourself.
So, we have:
Guang Hong.
Since Cao Bin was in that roster for the GPF fail, let’s assume he retired gave up on beating Viktor and Guang Hong now has his shot.
(Also: Please think of Yuuri and Christophe as these goddamn stubborn ice skaters that won’t give up on beating Viktor. Assume that they have random ice skating fans who are their sole fans for the reason of “You gotta appreciate the Final Two. You can do it! (You really can’t)”)
Guang Hong is just… not connecting with this choreography and music. If he wasn’t screwed by YOI being Yuuri’s narrative then he was screwed for not liking his program.
pre-YOI Yuuri: (canon confirmed) Just went with whatever Celestino gave him.
And then you have Seung Gil
Seung Gil is making friends with no one. Which makes his later reaction important.
He does the human thing of crying. A shock for Yuuri, who has spent the last couple days being super freaked out by Seung Gil’s resting bitch face.
Parallel: Yuuri bottling up every single reaction while he’s literally reading news articles discussing his possible retirement and saving it for the bathroom stall, where no one can see him.
Also, it’s been confirmed on the wiki that Christophe and Yuuri competed against each other several times at the Junior World Championship and Christophe has Yuuri’s number. You’d think they’d be tight-knit pre-Banquet Strip Show?
Banquet was probably the first time Yuuri instigated a Friendship Bonding moment.
And then, you have one of the few moments where the show breaks from Yuuri’s very close narration (Absolutely All Of These Moments Are A Gift) and, from Minami’s pov you see:
Resting Bitch Face.
This is what the skating world knows Katsuki Yuuri as, that super serious skater super set on beating Viktor Nikiforov.
Can you imagine being one of those skaters that kinda-sorta knew Yuuri and then being at that banquet where he got drunk and dance-battled everyone??? From any of their povs it would probably be like one of those high school movies where the Type-A Valedictorian gets drunk at a party and finally just monologues all their secret thoughts at everyone.
(Hell, this is also probably why Viktor had no fucking clue who Yuuri was during that “commemorative photo” incident: Not only does Yuuri not look like Ice-Skating-Bishounen!Yuuri, but he’s not wearing competition face. Viktor’s also forgetful. There were so many reasons.)
There is quite a difference to Yuuri’s looks when he’s in skating competition mode and when he’s being himself. It’s not just the lack of glasses or the way he styles his hair is different but his entire aura is different as well.
He’s so confident looking when he skates even if he’s full of nerves. It’s a warrior going to battle. His entire mindset, the way he carries himself, everything changes.
Compared to when he ‘met’ Viktor he looks like a stranger. I do wonder, Yuri was right by Viktor at that moment. Was he looking at Yuuri as well? Did he recognize him?
Of course he doesn’t want to leave the rink. Of course he doesn’t want it to be over. Yuuri never once actually wanted to retire. His anxiety constantly got in the way of what he desired from himself- telling him to let Victor go because Victor wanted to return to competitive skating anyway, telling him that he won’t be able to last much longer because his body won’t hold out, telling him that his only choice was to retire after this season because it would be better for everyone involved- when in reality the opposite was always true.
Although Yuuri has been skating for over a decade, it wasn’t until this season that he finally found enjoyment and fulfillment and inspiration in his own skating, and we can all see how much better he’s become for it, in both his technical skill and in the way he lives his life. Only just now has he found his own version of Life and Love- the confidence and beauty and love that Victor brought into Yuuri’s life. And he hasn’t even realized his full potential with this new inspiration. He has yet to win gold, but he’s more than capable of it. If he was able to tap into his current mindset on the day of the Grand Prix short program, he would have won the whole damn thing. All of us can see that this isn’t an end for Yuuri- it’s just the beginning.
And after months of telling himself that this was his last season, that he was going to have Victor step down as his coach and then retire from professional figure skating (yes, in that order- because skating was always about Victor for Yuuri) he reaches the end of his final skate- and it clicks. Of course he doesn’t want it to end when he’s only just begun. This is the sport that he loves, the sport that he dedicated his life to, the sport that brought Victor into his life and everything that entails. When faced with the end of everything precious to him, Yuuri finally realized how much it meant to him- realized that he wasn’t ready to give it all up.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 