look say what you will about Aaron Minyard but he joined that Fox-pile sleepover when the Foxes get back from Baltimore. Like he slept on the floor with all his teammates for NEIL and as far as i recall having read this series at least 8K times he never makes a single noise of protest about it.
So Chris in Yuri!!! On Museum says that Viktor shows an “uncharacteristically” serious side of himself to Yuuri.
This sounds surprising, but I can’t actually figure out why. All of the material for it in canon is there. Maybe it’s fandom’s tendency to portray Viktor as incapable of higher mental functions, or assume Yuuri had to get used to Viktor unexpectedly being a giant dork and forgetful and flighty and impulsive.
Only, Yuuri never expresses surprise about these traits. Not even his “forgetfulness,” really. He’s not as blasé and irritable as Yurio is about him forgetting things, but he’s definitely not, “OMG, VIKTOR NIKIFOROV FORGOT SOMETHING,” either. Just because he knows these things doesn’t mean he’s prepared out of nowhere to actually cope with these clashing personality traits. Yuuri believed it was totally likely that Viktor was only there because he wanted a break—he knows Viktor has a tendency to be impulsive. Viktor’s Instagram and/or Twitter icon is a picture of Makkachin wearing his Stammi Vicino costume.
Viktor Nikiforov, The Legend is very obviously a dork. And why not? That’s endearing to people like you and me and his in-universe fans. He’s known for surprising people. You don’t do that without winding up looking like a fool occasionally, especially when he was younger. When Viktor gets harsh and petty, Yuuri does react with some measure of shock, because that wasn’t part of Viktor’s public persona.
But when Viktor tries to be serious about something, no one believes him. Everyone thinks his attempt at coaching is some giant joke (and, okay, after episode ten it becomes a bit clearer why exactly that’s their thought process, but still). Chris thinks Yuuri is just a whim Viktor is willing to abandon. Minako thought Viktor’s heartfelt Stammi Vicino program was unconvincing.
But Yuuri is the one who gets to see when Viktor’s serious about something. When something matters to Viktor, it’s Yuuri that gets to know about it, and no one else because that part of Viktor is precious and vulnerable and what if someone makes fun of it? What if people once again refuse to believe in him or dismiss him?
Can we all stop pretending like giving Yuuri that is somehow less significant and poignant than showing off how much he loves his dog or something? It’s really, really not.
No worries, I’m not offended at all! I’ll be honest with you
and say I’m kind of in the same boat as you with this. I really didn’t take
offence by Nora saying they wouldn’t get married. I actually liked it? (which
is probably an opinion held by very few in the fandom lol)
I don’t know if I can completely answer your question of why
marriage is so important bc I personally don’t feel it is(although I just want
to make it clear that I’m not against marriage either just indifferent, I
suppose?) I feel that a relationship can be just as fulfilling whether or not
you get married. And it’s more of a personal choice kind of thing.
So if it’s okay with you, I more or less answered this in terms of why would
Andrew and Neil might actually get married sort of thing.
You’re right in saying it wouldn’t change anything between
them. They love each other and there is nothing that could pry these two men
from each other. (also the bit in the extra content, where nora says even if
they don’t say it they both come to understand and know that they do love each
other. Sorry, I just had to throw this in here dfasdfa) Married or not won’t
change that fact.
Getting married wouldn’t be important for these two. They
are not like dan & matt who a wedding would be a VERY big deal for. Or Nicky
and Erik. Or even Aaron and Katelyn. In which marriage for them would be a lot
more meaningful, complete with an actual reception and ceremony and vow
exchanges and whatnot. it would be a defining moment in their relationship.
And while marriage isn’t something andreil would be absolutely thrilled about,
I don’t think it’s something they would vehemently oppose? It would kind of be
like going out for ice cream, except they would come back with a marriage
license instead of ice cream cones. I mean it has it’s upsides.
That’s why the most common reasoning for having them marry is
more for a means to an end kind of thing like tax breaks or for hospital
visitation rights. (let’s face it Andrew would straight up kill someone if they
didn’t let him see neil. And neil will probably maintain his death magnet
status and wind up in the hospital a few times just because of that mouth of
his. So to avoid manslaughter charges and other criminal charges, marriage is
the way to go.)
But if you want to for a much deeper reason for why they
would get married consider that Neil Josten is allowed to leave some sort of
paper trail now. He’s real and over the course of his lifetime he gains so many
legal documents with his name that he keeps. His driver’s license. His ssc. His
passport. His PSU graduation certificate. His team contracts where neil and Andrew
come as a pair. And…maybe even a
marriage certificate with his and Andrew’s name on it? And well for someone who
spent his whole childhood running, never being allowed to leave a single trace
of himself, never allowed to trust others, it’s kind of nice?
Marriage will in no way define their relationship if they
do. (or they don’t for that matter). These two will love each other marriage or
not.
There’s nothing wrong with them not getting married but also, there’s nothing wrong with them
getting married either? It’s just whatever future, you prefer for them.
also, regardless of whether if you believe they get married
or not, I think the fandom can at least agree on Nora’s words:
i think one of the parts that fucks me up the most in tfc is when neil says “you’re not a sociopath, are you?” and andrew replies “i never said i was.” because for the past two years, that’s how the foxes have treated andrew. they call him monster, soulless, a sociopath, and he just lets them. andrew stopped caring about himself a long time ago, but honestly he feels so damn much. there are a lot of responses andrew could have chosen here. he could have said “of course not.” he could have just said “no.” but instead he says “i never said i was.” and i think a lot of what fucks me up about that is andrew doesn’t really talk to anyone that isn’t renee, kevin, or neil. because andrew learned a long time ago that no one listens when he speaks, so why should he bother? he could huff and puff all day long and the upperclassmen would still call him monster and sneer and spit in his face so he doesn’t even care enough to defend himself. so yeah, i share neil’s sentiment that the next time someone calls andrew soulless i might have to fight them, because andrew’s been fighting a long damn time and no one ever gives him a break.
guess what i just realized matt and aaron both propose to their girlfriends during the same summer
okay but imagine how crazy that year gets for the Foxes trying to plan two weddings at the same time. imagine Katelyn finding this absolutely amazing wedding planner and referring Dan to her, and they both schedule all their appointments right after each other. imagine Aaron doing his absolute best not to get caught up in the hype, but then Katelyn shows him the cake that Matt picked out and he straight-up refuses to have anything less perfect than that (and it definitely isn’t a competition for his brother’s sweet-toothed affection, not at all). imagine them competing over who will be the first Fox to get married, while Nicky mopes and cries about long-distance with Erik during 3am Skype calls. and Dan and Matt book a hall for July, only for Katelyn and Aaron to find something mid-June, only to then get bumped out from over-booking. and for four months Dan and Matt are ecstatic, until May 29 when a room opens up for exactly one week before Dan and Matt’s wedding and Katelyn completely overhauls everything so she can have that room. and then Neil passes by and asks what’s so exciting about being the second Foxes to get married and that’s when everyone finds out he and Andrew got married three years ago.
“You don’t think,” Andrew said. “I told you, didn’t I? I don’t like Exy. I don’t like teams; I don’t like teamwork. I was not born and raised to be a team player. You want me to do them any good you have to narrow the playing field. When I crash the only thing I feel is me, and I will do what comes naturally.”
“Which is?”
Andrew’s smile was wide. “Fight everyone who thinks he can best me.” (x)
How Neil views Andrew playing Exy:
“They thought you’d hurt someone if you were loose on the court?“ Neil asked. Andrew didn’t answer; Neil took his silence as confirmation. He tried imagining Andrew in any other position but couldn’t see it. “I think it’s better this way, with you as the last line of defense. You let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. You play the game like you play life. That’s why you’re so good at it.” (The King’s Men, Nora Sakavic)
It’s all about perception. I think it is beautiful how Neil sees Andrew, especially given in contrast to how little Andrew sees in himself.
I fucking really love the parallels Nora presents with Andrew and Neil’s positions though. It’s so straightforward that you almost don’t give it thought until after you finish the books but it’s such a nice expression of their characters.
Neil, a striker, fastest little shit on the court. He’s darting around, getting on player’s nerves, fighting to the last breath. He’s running, just like in life, he’s always running, always desperate.
Then you have Andrew, sitting in the back of the court, watching everything from behind, overseeing this whole conglomeration of two forces butting heads. Like Neil says, he’s the last line of defense. He’s reactionary. He doesn’t engage, doesn’t fight, just shuts down any attack on his charge with blunt precision.
And then at the end, after Neil has taken all this time to develop his sense of self and his purpose in life, standing at Andrew’s side, having Andrew’s back, having his team’s back. When he needs it, he takes the position of defenseman. He shuts down Riko. He could run, but instead he uses his strengths to defend his goal beside Andrew. And sure, after the Edgar Allen game, he goes back to being a striker, but the point is, is if he needs to, he can be that shield, he can be Andrew’s defense.
Bless Nora honestly, because this was such a glaringly obvious thing that I didn’t even question it when I was reading. It was such a natural course of events. And afterwards, I’m just left breathless because GOD IT’S SO CLEVERLY WRITTEN JUST BLESS NORA MAN SHIT
Yes! And I think if you look at it that way it shows how well Neil is able to adapt. How versatile he is. How he is willing to fill roles. It is hard to peg him down. Both on the court and in life.
<
p>Where Andrew is Andrew and he stands his ground. Either the ball scores or it doesn’t. Things are very black and white for him.
I’ve wanted to talk for So Long about the portrayal of anxiety in YOI but I’ve been having so much trouble putting together what I want to say in the most effective manner. I kept trying to come at this in a more analytical fashion, but considering that this is such a personally important topic to me, I’m going to try a more emotional approach. Something I don’t normally do.
So really, to start off, I wanna say that I’m so damn thankful for the way Yuuri is written. Really, seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever had the ability to relate more to character; Yuuri is close to a mirror of my own experiences with anxiety and it’s so fantastic to have a model of development and growth for me and people like me. I found the portrayal to be frighteningly accurate, from types of thoughts, behaviors, mannerisms…
I think the episode that stood out to me the most in terms of Yuuri’s anxiety was ep7, aka Yuuri’s on-screen panic attack episode.
The first thing I noticed was this:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself in that exact position. I bounce my legs when I panic, just like Yuuri is doing here. Head in his hands, breathing heavily, bouncing and jostling limbs. This isn’t the Mary-Sue cutesy portrayal of anxiety–this is a real anxiety disorder. It’s not pretty. It’s not easy. It can’t be fixed with a single word or a touch or a person. Quite frankly, it’s ugly and you lose control of your body.
The next thing I saw in that episode was this line, which I don’t see talked about very often:
I know!
I’ve always thought that people think in separate forms: intellectually and emotionally. There’s a saying that the longest road is from the mind to the heart, and it’s really true. I intellectually understand that my friends and girlfriend like me, but I’m not at a point yet where I can emotionally understand that. Yuuri intellectually understands that Victor genuinely likes him and doesn’t want to quit, but he hasn’t emotionally grasped it yet. I’ve never seen anything portray anxiety like that; all the countless doubts flying through your mind at full speed that completely contradict what you know, but goddammit, they’re so loud and so frequent, you can’t help but believe it on some level.
The reason Victor fucks up so bad in this scene is that he doesn’t fully understand what anxiety does and sounds like. Also, he was panicking himself and didn’t think it through, but that’s beside the point. I’m sure Victor adopts some of his coaching ideas from Yakov, and one of them is tough love. Yakov clearly cares about his skaters, but he pushes and pushes and pushes and Victor can respond to that with positive results. Victor makes the mistake of assuming tough love and pressure works for everyone.
Oops, it doesn’t.
One of the most beneficial things you can do for a person with anxiety–in my own personal experience, that is–is to just be with them. I don’t need a lot, really, I don’t. I just need the people who love me to stand with me, beside me, a solid support, believe in me when I can’t believe in myself. Yuuri says that, too, which is really great.
Yuuri is also guilty of avoidance behavior and, honestly, me as hell.
Yuuri is locked in his own mind; he’s scared, doesn’t know how to deal with the problem, and finds himself thoroughly overwhelmed. Yuuri is a competitive person, but anxiety causes a fight or flight instinct–and Yuuri defaults to flight. Same honey, same.
I’d like to take a moment to address the Minami one specifically, though. Not only does Yuuri not believe he is worthy of such attention, he believes that he hasn’t accomplished much at all in his life. Yuuri can only see the goals he sets for himself; he’s always desperately reaching forward, so much so that he can’t see the massive journey he’s made behind him. Yuuri refers to everything the year before–and possibly in reference to his skating before Victor’s coaching–as his ‘dark past.’
And then Minami corrects him by saying this:
I think that’s a massive testament to how drastically warped Yuuri views his own life to the way others do. It’s much too easy to compare one’s insides to another’s outsides, but that’s dangerous–Yuuri thinks that if he doesn’t do everything 100% correctly and perfectly all the time, he’s not worthy of any praise or prize. I have the same issue.
All in all, Yuuri doesn’t mean to be an ass: he just doesn’t know how to address Minami so his flight instinct kicks in and he avoids. It isn’t something fully conscious, I think, it’s just a natural instinct to do this so Yuuri does it without thinking it through.
He avoids Victor in ep4 for the same reasons. Yuuri is under a lot of pressure, he feels precarious, and he doesn’t know how to deal with this. Victor of course has to drag him out and get Yuuri head on to talk about what’s happening. Little side note about that, I love that Victor just sits on the beach with Yuuri until Yuuri starts talking. Victor waits. He makes it clear that Yuuri needs to talk to him, but he doesn’t invade Yuuri’s space. That’s really amazing. When I got together with my girlfriend, she very gently yet firmly had me say what I wanted in my own time. It’s important that I–and Yuuri, too–have the experience of being vulnerable so that I know if it happens again it won’t kill me.
Also also, this is supported by less evidence and more speculation on my part, but it’s been heavily implied that Yuuri really has little to no romantic or sexual experience:
(Translation note: the term used in the show, ‘koibito,’ is a gender-neutral term for lover. It shouldn’t have been translated as ‘girlfriend.’ The dub fixes this, however.)
(Also, I’m laughing so hard at how excited Victor looks when Yuuri says he isn’t seeing anyone)
And until recently, I’ve had no romantic experience let alone sexual (ace-spectrum, hey-o!). I always avoided it because it left me vulnerable in a way that I really couldn’t handle. I have trouble now, still, but thankfully the people around me know my issues and can be patient. I think it’s entirely possible that Yuuri had the same problem for a long time; romantic entanglement is scary after all. It’s a level of intimacy that’s incredibly special and leaves you rawly vulnerable. You really have to trust the person you’re with to be able to lay yourself bare. In ep4, Yuuri tells the story about the ‘pushy girl’ from Detroit:
It’s been pretty well known, I think, that Yuuri is uncomfortable with physical touch especially during moments of what he perceives to be vulnerability. It feels intruding, he says, and I’m assuming it makes him feel pitied, too.
Yuuri has been away from home for 5 years, but Minako and his family members make no move to hug him.
I thought that was particularly intriguing. I’d like to do a post one day discussing Yuuri’s and Victor’s issues with personal space and touch, but that’s for a future date.
Anyway, if you’re uncomfortable with physical touch, and already have issues trusting others (hello anxiety!), it’s really hard to get into a romantic relationship even if one is intensely desired. Trust me, I’ve been there.
So, therefore, like me, Yuuri has like no experience lol.
And finally, I’d like to address the whole GPF debacle. Both ones, really.
Let’s start with the Sochi GPF.
I wrote a meta some time ago about the commemorative photo scene that you can read here, if you like. It’s a really important scene to support Yuuri as insecure and an unreliable narrator. A lot of what I’m gonna say here is covered in that post, with varying degrees of detail.
So the first thing Yuuri does is call himself ‘dime-a-dozen.’ Um, no. One the surface level of the show, not only has Yuuri made it to the GPF, aka is among the top six skaters in the world, but he’s also the only male skater certified by the JSF within canon:
UM
More into detail here, while Yuuri is looking at articles on his phone you can see one as well as hear the commentators speaking. Here it is:
(Translation note: “Katsuki Defeated: Still Needs to Work on Nerves” is SO MUCH SOFTER than what they actually said. The best translation I could do was closer to: “Katsuki Crushing Defeat: Caused by Mental Weakness.” Yes, they do use the term “mental weakness,” メンタルの弱さ, which Yuuri uses later on to describe himself. I didn’t really pay attention to the article at first, and wondered for so long where he got that phrase from! So I suppose that’s an example of how the media has run down Yuuri’s confidence, too.)
One of them–I think it was Honda–says that Yuuri didn’t perform as his usual self, implying that what they’re used to seeing is so much better than this. Not that Yuuri would have you believe it, though.
Oh!! Somebody wrote a fantastic thing about Yuuri’s possible standings in the Sochi GPF after the SP. Please read it!
Because Yuuri makes some, well, rather large mistakes in one program, he now believes that the programs beforehand are invalid and he’s irredeemable. Honestly, wow, me.
Alright, let’s move on now to the Barcelona GPF. Er, well, after it really. Yuuri’s SP at Barcelona deserves a whole other post entirely, which I may do if people want to hear my theories.
Anyway.
I did mention this moment here, but it’s highly relevant to this too. Through this post, I’ve really entirely focused on Yuuri in the deepest pits of his anxiety, but I think now it’s time to appreciate the progress he’s made with a supportive and loving environment.
As Yuuri stated in the ep5 speech (the one where he confesses his love for Victor on national TV lmao), he always felt that he was fighting alone. Anxiety is like wearing horse blinders, in a way; you end up turning so far inwards to wrangle your mind to even get through the day that you get tunnel vision of seemingly impossible goals. Yuuri has spent his whole life feeling that he is desperately struggling to reach the sky without any support from the ground. Yuuri mentions in the same speech that he’s now able to feel the love all around him that’s always been there, but I think it’s really sunk in for him when he thinks this in ep12:
That’s so, so important, not only to Yuuri as a character but to me. Yuuri can now recognize that getting help isn’t shameful or wrong; in many cases, it’s absolutely necessary to have some sort of help and support. You don’t have to do everything by yourself and you shouldn’t anyway.
There are people who love and support you. These people actually want to help you. Let them. And you’ll be able to reach the stars.
The thing that gets me about Andrew Minyard is … at the beginning of The Foxhole Court I really really didn’t like him. He was an asshole, he didn’t care about anyone (so I thought) and he was just … I just didn’t GET him. And that’s where the Upperclassmen still are, because they don’t care or don’t want to look further (plus: Andrew doesn’t care for anything that would make it easier to approach and understand him). That’s why they still think he’s a soulless monster (EVEYRTIME someone calls Andrew a monster I wanna yell “HE’S NOT!!!!!”).
But we get Neil’s pov. We get to know Andrew better, to get to know him AT ALL basically, and to understand him because Neil does. Because Neil is the first one to care enough and to be curious and persistent enough to do so. Having Neil’s pov gives us the opportunity to read one of the most amazing character arcs/character developments/character designs I ever came across in literature (simply because there is somone who makes the effort to LOOK).
I think I love Andrew Minyard so goddamn much because Neil does. Because I think it’s absolutely impossible to not-love Andrew when you see him through Neil’s eyes – the only eyes that see Andrew for who he really is. And I think this is beautiful.
okay im crying over this again because like…holy shit, neil gets it. he understands and hes digging into places he shouldnt be able to and hes saying things that he shouldnt be and it messes me up bc in the end neil is actually the one who wants to stay with andrew and came back to him and will always be with him now even through all of the bad shit and andrew has never had this and doesn’t know what the fuck to think and he hates him
i rarely add anything to a post but fuck it, this hurts and i have so many Feels about this. when andrew says “stay” and asks “what will it take to make you stay?”, do you think a subconscious part of him wants neil to actually stay? that he’s not just saying these things as part of his deal with neil? and i don’t think andrew realizes how much of “you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs” and “you are a pipe dream” reveal; they reveal that andrew thinks neil is too good to be true, that one day, inevitably, neil will disappear and leave like all the others, because he thinks neil is not real and he’s just something andrew’s brain conjured because of the drugs. how important was it to andrew to have neil say “i am not a pipe dream. i’m not going anywhere”? how badly did he need to hear those words, even though he knows that he shouldn’t have his hopes up, if there are any feelings of hope in the first place? he knows better than to do this, and yet.
So I’m at that scene in book 2 when Neil is going off on Andrew at Exites for not caring about himself or wanting to save himself, you know, right before The Moment of Intense UST?
Anyway that triggered the memory of Andrew’s ‘this could be a problem’ moment from Nora’s extra content so I went to look for it and this is what it says:
“The first time Andrew saw Neil without his medication blurring his judgment, he thought, This could be a problem, but he did not take it seriously then.”
And so I had my normal reaction to it (nioce, nioce) until I realized something. I’ve assumed this whole time she meant this at the start of Kings Men but it says ‘THE FIRST TIME Andrew saw Neil without his medication…’
The FIRST time.
Do you guys know when that was? Chapter 2. Of The Foxhole Court. Book 1.
I want you to imagine Andrew Minyard waiting in that airport for Neil and seeing him for only the SECOND TIME and thinking ‘this could be a problem’
Just think about the level of frustration he felt being attracted to this mysterious guy while also being incredibly suspicious of him.
P L E A S E THINK ABOUT HOW NEIL WAS INTERESTING TO HIM WHEN ON THE MEDICATION AS WELL.
So what I’m saying is, Andrew wanted Neil wether on the drugs or not, he found him endlessly frustrating and incredibly stupid and he liked him oh so very much and he really hated that.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 