coldsaturn:

ravencourtmemories:

CAN. WE. TALK. ABOUT. THIS. ????.

Okay I’m gonna back up so that I can explain to you all why I spent the last 5 minutes rolling back and forth on my bed with a pillow shoved in my face so I don’t scream at 130 a.m.

1) this is after the conversation at Wymack’s apartment. The conversation that was 50% truth. The most honesty Neil had ever expressed to another person.

2) this is after Andrew looked at Neil with something unnamable in his eyes and decided that Neil wasn’t going to hurt Kevin.

3) this is after a week or so of silence/indifference from Andrew towards Neil.

4) this is after the complete verbal destruction of Riko Moriyama on Cathy’s show by Neil fucking Josten.

5) this is after Neil decides to protect Kevin as he watches him wilt under Riko’s furious yelling.

6) this is after Andrew came between Riko and Neil and shoved him out of the way so that Neil could take Kevin away.

Andrew doesn’t do casual, especially when it comes to touching. Neil isn’t one of his here. He realized Neil wasn’t a threat and left him alone. But this???? This casual, barely there brush of his fingers on Neil’s back??? That’s a thank you. That’s a ‘is he alright’ check. THAT IS A MARK. THAT IS THE MOMENT ANDREW DECIDED ‘THIS ONE. I KEEP THIS ONE.’

DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? THIS IS SOME PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, MR DARCY HELPING ELIZABETH GODDAMN BENNET INTO A FUCKING CARRIAGE, BARELY THERE TOUCHING, HAND CLENCHING, WAIT I THOUGHT WE HATE EACH OTHER MOMENT

I’VE LOST ALL CHILL I GOTTA GO BYE

#he values two things#honesty and LOYALTY#can you fucking IMAGINE what he was thinking as Neil murdered Riko on that stage?????#I can’t believe he touched him like that#I can’t believe he reached out#I can’t believe this ship fucks me up so much#I gotta sleep#my heart needs rest

CAN WE REMEMBER HOW ANDREW WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF HIS SEAT WHEN RIKO CLIMBED ON STAGE?? CAN WE FOREVER CRY AT THE LACK OF HIS POV WHEN HE REALISES THAT OH-WAIT NEIL FUCKING JOSTEN IS ALREADY TEARING RIKO A NEW ASSHOLE WITHOUT ANY HELP DAMN THE KID HAS A MOUTH ON HIM 

AND CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THAT “IT’S FINE, COACH”?? IT WAS SO UNNECESSARY FOR HIM TO SAY IT, ABBY WAS ALREADY TELLING WYMACK TO STOP IT, NEIL WAS DEFIANT AS USUAL IN FRONT OF HIM, ANDREW WAS HEADING TO KEVIN’S SIDE, AND YET HE TELLS WYMACK THAT IT’S OKAY, AND TOUCHES NEIL’S BACK IN- WHAT DID YOU SAY- GRATITUDE?? JUST FUCKING PUNCH ME IN THE FACE 

AND ANDREW’S VERY AMBIGUOUS “DON’T TOUCH MY THINGS, RIKO.” THINGS. THINGS. THING S. HOW LITERAL IS HE HERE? BECAUSE NEIL MIGHT NOT BE HIS YET, BUT HE STEPPED IN FRONT OF NEIL, NOT KEVIN 

and omg you’re p&p ref. I’m done with this world, if you look for me then google the sun’s zip code and write me a letter we don’t have wifi there