badacts:

• at 20 andrew could hear neil say ‘you like it’ and let his silence speak as agreement
• by 22 he can say the same thing, in private and when neil asks, not a joke, because there’s some questions where ‘i don’t want anything’ as an answer will never suffice
• by 23 he knows that neil is more than a distraction, more than something that’s caught and held his interest this long. he has his suspicions about what it is but he doesn’t think about it
• by 25 he knows, he fucking knows, and if he has a month where he’s tempted every second to break it, or maybe himself, then, well, neil knows and understands the feeling 
• by 25 he calls it ‘love’ in the confines of his own head, sometimes serious but mostly factual. it’s hard not to believe in the concept when you live it. it’s hard to deny it if you’re not an idiot. andrew is not an idiot.
• by 28 he knows it’s neil. it’s no one else and just neil for him until he dies.
• by 29 he’s impressed that he didn’t self-destruct with that realisation. he’s growing up after all
• by 30 he’s figured out he’s probably going to live past thirty-five, and may or may not live long enough to die of old age. he doesn’t self-destruct over that, either
• by 30 it’s been a decade and he doesn’t ever want it to end. he’s not stupid enough not to neil as much, quiet and private, and earns a gentle but unsurprised smile for it, a simple me too
• it’s been ten years. actions speak louder than words, but the words are alright. maybe better than just alright