teams: Neil and Matt, Andrew and Kevin, Aaron and Nicky, Renee and Dan, Allison and Seth, (additionally we can have Jean & Jeremy and Laila & Alvarez)
teams are all meeting each other for the first time (except the cousins + Kevin)
Dan and Renee are always in the lead, closely followed by Neil and Matt
Kevin is the most passionate and keeps pushing them to go farther but Andrew doesn’t give it his all unless he has incentive
Allison and Seth frequently come in last because of their arguing but they rock the roadblocks faster than half the teams
Aaron doesn’t care. Nicky is just happy to be there.
Phil asks the twins, when both teams end up on the mat at the same time, why they didn’t come on the show together and they look at each other until Andrew says “I would kill him” and Aaron says “he’s a dick”
they don’t comment on the amount of times Andrew looked like he was going to kill Kevin
everyone thinks Matt and Neil are dating because Matt is constantly hugging and lifting Neil up and kissing him on the cheek or forehead, neither deny it
Allison and Seth are always bickering, the other teams are all betting on when they’ll break up during the race
somehow Matt always ends up doing the same roadblocks as Dan and he starts to fall for her, no one can say that Matt allows his feelings to let her take the lead because she was already in the lead and doesn’t need help to stay there, but she hangs around Matt longer than she needs to at times
one roadblock has a knife throwing challenge and Neil makes it out first (only a minute before Renee), doesn’t even blink at how easy it is for him. Andrew stares at him the entire time.
there’s a detour with heights involved and Andrew tenses, Kevin waits with him impatiently and starts to complain when Matt and Neil show up and start to pass them but Neil notices something is off and stops to talk to Andrew, “hey if you can get to the top of the mountain I’ll tell you a secret”
both teams arrive at the top almost at the same time and later that evening when they’re waiting for their plane, Andrew corners Neil and drags him away from the cameras. Neil tells him that he and Matt aren’t dating. “Not good enough,” Andrew says and Neil sees the question in Andrew’s eyes. He tells him a story of growing up with knife training every night. Andrew doesn’t ask why, just nods and goes back to the other teams.
Nicky asks Neil if he’s planning to cheat on Matt with Andrew and Neil laughs before going back to Matt and laying with his head in Matt’s lap. Nicky is the only one who still thinks Matt and Neil are dating at this point (mostly because everyone has seen Matt’s heart eyes for Dan)
Allison and Seth break up when they lose a leg and Allison writes her number on Renee’s hand
Dan and Renee win, Kevin and Andrew are in second, Matt and Neil in third
it’s speculated that Kevin and Andrew come in second because Neil had whispered to Andrew before the leg “if you give it your all, I’ll make it worth your while” (Matt’s not even mad that this probably cost them second place, he’s just happy for them)
a couple years later Andrew and Neil return for an All Stars Couple race along with Renee & Allison, and Matt & Dan. Their original race is forever known as the Match Making race (even more so than the actual blind dating race because this one actually worked)
@victorvalc was wonderful enough to translate all the german parts in the foxhole court so if y’all wanna see what they were really saying it’s below the cut!! ❤
@anclrewjosten asked me to expand on the dating season of my Foxhole Court meets the Amazing Race headcanon/AU so here goes:
recap: all the Foxes met on the Amazing Race years ago, Allison & Renee, Andrew & Neil, Matt & Dan were all on different teams originally but hooked up on/after that race and have now been invited back for Amazing Race: All-Star Couples
all the teams remained friends after they left the Amazing Race, their group chat names change based on their experience on the first race. It starts with “THE AMAZING DAN AND RENEE” because they won, it changes to “Neil Boyd” or “Matt Josten” because of all the fan theories that they were husbands, once it’s “Coconut Head Kevin” but Kevin changes it to “Aaron’s Coconut Rage Issues” because it was Aaron that threw the coconut that smacked him in the head
everyone this season is racing for 1st place and the right to change the group chat name
Phil comments on how, despite having found love on the race, Andrew still doesn’t smile that much – the editors have to edit him flipping Phil off but they really don’t want to
everyone places bets on how long it will take for Andrew to smile on camera, they get close after leg one when Neil and Andrew take first place and Neil kisses his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his whole face really, in excitement. Andrew clenches his teeth and buries his face in Neil’s shoulder until he composes himself
Neil and Matt still act like husbands whenever they’re anywhere together: waiting outside roadblocks for Dan and Andrew, passing each other while running so they hug each other mid-run at full speed
the only time Neil doesn’t bro it up with Matt is when they’re on airplanes together because Neil and Andrew spend the entire time on their flights going over strategies (and it’s only 80% to keep Andrew’s mind off his fear of heights and flying)
the three couples decide not to ever U-turn each other, one of the random teams they don’t know U-turn Neil and Andrew – they don’t come in last because Neil & Andrew kick ass and race through both detours and a different random couple team gets eliminated but the Foxes make the the race a living hell for the couple that U-turned Neil & Andrew, it takes them two legs before they’re eliminated
the camera crew might not be able to catch Andrew smiling (because he doesn’t do it) but they are surprised at how often Andrew and Neil are kissing on camera, not even trying to hide it, they kiss each other all the time, on the lips, forehead, cheeks, one time Andrew kisses Neil on the back of his hand and one of the camera guys almost faints from how cute it is (the show was planning on giving them a much different, dramatic edit since Andrew is so ‘emotionless’ but they end up getting the most adorable loving couple edit)
after the angry and bickering edit Allison got on the last race, the editors are surprised to find Allison is much more chill and Renee doesn’t have a single explosive bone in her body. Allison rants and gets loud but never at Renee, she kicks something in frustration but as soon as she’s back with Renee she just calmly leans against her and sighs “that challenge was dumb” to which Renee replies “yes but you did it and I’m proud of you” “good, let’s go win”
Dan and Matt are the powerhouse couple, they can do everything, they’re both buff as hell, both energetic and passionate, they’re always racing ahead and doing the physically intense detours. and they’re always supportive and kissing each other but the cutest couple edit was already taken so they focus more on damn look at those guns and communication skills as they both lift up those rocks damn
there’s a roadblock where you need to complete the task where you have to go down a runway wearing heels and perform a routine – Allison kills it, surprising no one. Dan kills it, surprising everyone except the Foxes, no one expects Andrew to be able to walk in heels let alone move his hips like that (the camera guy actually faints this time)
Matt comments on how maybe Andrew should wear heels all the time because then he wouldn’t have to get up on his tip toes or haul Neil down by his neck for kisses but Neil says that Andrew doesn’t need anymore weapons (heels are painful Matt, I know Neil but think how cute, shut the fuck up Matt I actually like him short, I’ll f*cking kill you both)
the three teams end up being the final three teams (no one is surprised), it’s the most hectic final leg ever and all bets are off – they don’t actively try to trick each other but they don’t help each other in any way, they trash talk each other but in weird inside joke ways that don’t sound that mean but Matt gets so offended when Andrew shouts “Neil Josten can’t succeed at anything in life” at him that Matt stops mid-run to talk up Neil’s success story, “Navy Blue is not your color, Neil” Allison shouts and Neil starts running backwards to yell “Navy blue brings out my eyes!”, Dan is constantly saying “mediocre” and “weak” to anything the other teams do, Renee doesn’t say anything mean about anyone ever but stares at them until they get uncomfortable. The editors have to edit out all of Neil’s trash talk because it gets very specific, very long, and everyone just sort of stands around stunned for a moment before continuing to race
Neil and Andrew win but it’s one of the closest finals ever, Dan and Matt are in second, Allison and Renee in third. The other Foxes demand to know who won but they can’t tell anyone until the show is out and finished so the group chat name changes constantly to different guesses until they either run out of options or get strangely specific “Andrew threatened Phil until he gave him and Neil first place”, “Allison bribed Phil”, “Matt and Neil won” (they weren’t a team this time, doesn’t matter they still won together), “Kevin got hit with a coconut again” (I WASN’T EVEN ON THE RACE THIS TIME)
the group chat has never been more active than when the season airs, they all live text each other while watching it, guessing at who wins the leg, who gets kicked off, oh damn that team really fucked up they will actually die if Neil and Andrew go home this leg, wow Neil and Andrew are insufferably cute in this edit make it stop, WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO WALK IN HEELS ANDREW, Dan did you really give Matt a piggyback ride? i was tired and she’s so strong
they all get together at Allison and Renee’s place to watch the finale together, they turn it into a drinking game (every time Neil & Andrew kiss, Matt says “you’re the best” to Dan, Allison tells an inanimate object she’s going to sue it) and at the end of the night the group chat changes to “THE AMAZING NEIL AND ANDREW”
one of my favourite headcanons about neil is that he’s so trained to overreact to fucking anything that could potentially ruin his secrecy and that bleeds into normal life with the foxes
like he’s using a computer at some point
and it’s like that scene with rosa from brooklyn nine nine
the computer stops loading anything
so he smashes it to pieces
“I’ll pay for that”
then throws a couple hundred dollars on top of it and walks away
everyone at the library is confused, terrified and a bit turned on
one day neil gets a nosebleed so there’s blood on his shirt
he just asks andrew to drive him somewhere
so andrew just watches as neil goes into a laundromat
throws his clothes in the wash and then walks away and tells andrew to drive
andrew doesn’t say anything but neil literally just left
a brand new fucking shirt in the washing machine
and he knows they’re not coming back to get it
and that shirt looked really good on him
so what the fuck
he buys new shoes at one point so he takes the old ones and tosses them out the window
literally breaks the window
his face is completely flat
but kevin is yelling at him his face is going fucking red and the rest of the foxes are watching with open mouths
neil pretends none of them exist
or maybe he just really doesn’t see them
he very calmly walks out of the room
goes down the stairs
and the foxes watch through the broken window as neil approaches the shoes on the pavement
pulls something out from behind his back
(it’s kerosene)
he’s literally burning his old shoes like it’s a normal thing to do because he got new ones
and hes completely nonchalant about it too
“neil…. r u ok?”
neil responds with the usual, of course, and then when prompted for further explanation he says · “they could betray my location”
what
literally w h a T
matt is hugging neil to his chest and looking like he never wants to let go bc apparently this is shit neil has had to think about all his life and sometimes matt forgets that
dan is right beside him with a hand on neils shoulder looking like she’s about to fight the ashes that used to be ratty old shoes
(neil, whose face is pressed into matt’s chest, is so confused)
meanwhile nicky cannot stop fucking laughing
and it’s a bit surprising but aaron and kevin and allison are all laughing with him
“BETRAY HIM”
nicky keeps explaining with tears in his eyes that neil was afraid his old shoes were traitors
renee kind of just watches bc she finds it endearing
as she passes neil she just kind of whispers to him that he did good
even though it was clearly unnecessary
andrew completely walked out probably 10 minutes ago
he’s just waiting for the drama to stop
and he keeps telling himself “I don’t care I really don’t care”
andrew never pays attention to literally anything going on with his exy career
like seriously? he goes where they tell him and does what he’s contractually obligated to do
so when he had to wear a weird suit and pretend to block a bunch of fake shots he thought it was probably some weird form of monitoring his health or muscles
of course he doesn’t tell neil about it in their nightly skype calls becuase it’s unimportant in his mind
unknown to andrew, neil also did the same thing but doesn’t much care for video games so he also says nothing
basically a literal day after it’s happened they’ve both forgotten about it
but then the game comes out
and everyone starts tweeting them about it
and making funny vines with 6-foot whatever kevin day being checked by 5′0″” andrew minyard
(it’s probably some thing where you can just like assign the players any position for fun idk)
neil picks up on it an favorites a bunch of videos on twitter
(poor boy didn’t know other people could see his likes)
and of course matt calls neil the day it comes out
“neil! you didn’t tell me we’d both be in a video game together?!? how sick is that! you totally have to come over and play, bro”
basically neil loves it because he gets to play as andrew and ends up mimicking him as he does it
“my names andrew and i squish garbage in the can until it’s too full and i refuse to take it out”
“hey guys, watch out! i have the ball and i’m not afraid to beam it at your ankles if you look at me the wrong way!”
“i’m andrew and i pretend to hate the cats but wheni think neil’s not looking i make kissy noises at them and hold them in my arms”
“neil’s bothering me so i’m going to pretend he’s a vegetable and pretend he doesn’t exist”
of course andrew catches him doing it one time when neil thought he was home alone and was playing online with matt
(he was home alone but had jumped into a monologue as andrew and was too distracted to hear him walk in for his weekend visit)
of course andrew decides to get him back by doing the same thing as neil
“my name is neil and i’m an idiot who has no self preservation”
“watch out kevin, i’m here to steal your one true love away, the court”
“did you guys know that i leave my socks all over the apartment becuase that’s where they belong?”
it definitely turns into a way for them to get out their petty aggression on one another
and if one of the foxes just happens to post multiple videos of it online and create a small phenomena, then that’s between them and the thousands of views
Nothing but My Aching Soul 