Tag: aftg

thepalmettofoxes:

Matt: THE FLOOR IS HATING NEIL!

Dan: *hopping on the couch*

Allison: *standing on the table*

Renee: *sitting on a chair*

Nicky: *climbing on the counter*

Kevin: *lying on the couch*

Aaron: *leaves*

Andrew: *just standing there*

Neil: *lies down on the ground*

Matt, sobbing: Neil, no

the foxes as popular text posts #5

chanqlix:

neil josten: [face down on the floor] listen everything is totally fine

andrew minyard: “how’re you doing?” and how would i know that

kevin day: who needs broadway when every trip in my car is one-man production of hamilton starring me as everyone 

nicky hemmick: the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian

matt boyd: “why do you talk to your pet like a human?” first of all, that is my child

dan wilds: 

if you ever get in a fight with your significant other just breathe in the helium out of a balloon and have an argument and the first one to laugh loses

allison reynolds: u kno when you’re crying and u catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you’re like??? if this was a movie this scene would have won me an oscar

renee walker: if a girl asks me for a tampon and i don’t have one for her, best believe we bouta search the entire vicinity together to find her a tampon

aaron minyard: 

what if everytime u got nervous you yodelled

david wymack: 

my blood type is somewhere between vanilla latte and vodka soda with extra lime

betsy dobson: I love to MEME (Massively Express My Emotions).

abby winfield: i hate making tea cuz i feel bad for throwing out the teabag. i’m always like i should eat this

+ BONUS

jean moreau: my plan B for everything is to die before it happens

jeremy knox: i’ll do a lot of things but admitting to jean that i’m cold when he told me to bring a jacket is not one of them

sara alvarez: romeo oh romeo can thou telleth me if i am thy bae or naw

laila dermott: reminder that winnie the pooh wore a crop top w/ no panties and ate his fave food and loved himself and u can too

erik klose: “found the feminist lol” yeah im not hiding

part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

sonyathefairy:

The foxes as quotes from John Mulaney’s ‘Kid Gorgeous’

Neil: “In high school, people were like, ‘What are your top 3 colleges?’ I was like, top 3 colleges? I thought I’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”

Aaron: “I don’t know what my body is for, other than to carry my head from room to room.”

Andrew: “‘Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and i will totally kill that guy for you.’”

Allison: “She said, ‘You can make fun of me, just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.’ I was like ‘Whoa, the bar is so much lower than I ever imagined, that’s it?!’”

Matt: “My wife is a bitch and i like her SO MUCH.”

Nicky: “My dad once grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me up during church and said ‘God can’t hear you.’”

Dan: “Oh, you mean like having friends?”

Kevin: “College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.”

Renee: “I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. A lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world.”

Bonus:

Wymack: “Just explain this to me: how are you better than a nazi?”

Bee: “We noticed you had all been bullying each other and making fun of everything constantly. So we invite a woman with straight gray hair, in a denim dress, with a wrist-cast and puppets that all have the same voice to teach you about bullying through skits, and you ha-ha-ha, laugh it up.”

Abby: “I’ve never really cared about politics. But then, last November, the craziest thing happened.”