lesbianjohnmulaney:

Kevin Day’s “do you know who I am?!” Moment

  • The football players were having a party the same time the Exy players where, so, the two parties ended up combining, for better or worse…
  • Some how, Kevin found himself talking to a football jock. Tall, buff, probably called Chad, caucasian.
  • Chad’s like “what’s the deal with girls being on your team? Isn’t your sport, like, super violent?”
  • “All genders play Exy together, that’s how the game was created” says Kevin.
  • “Yeah, but, like, you don’t know that.”
  • Kevin just… blinks at him and goes “I’m sorry?”
  • “You can’t actually know for sure that’s how the guys who made Exy wrote the original rules, man, people probably just put girls in with the boys so that-”
  • He stops, because Kevin’s face has gone purple.
  • “I don’t know?” Kevin says. “I don’t know? I don’t know?”
  • Nicky’s being listening in the whole time and now he feels like he needs to get everyone to an underground bunker.
  • Chad’s laughing like “dude, calm the fuck down.”
  • “You’re saying that I have no idea what the intention of the creators were even though one of them was my own mother?”
  • Chad stares at him blankly. Then says, “your mom created Exy?”
  • Nicky grabs Aaron by the arm and drags him under the nearest table, just as Kevin explodes.
  • “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO THE HELL YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO? DOES IT NOT OCCURE TO YOU THAT I HAVE A BIG-ASS CHESS PIECE TATTOOED ON MY FACE?”
  • “What the fuck do I care about some dumb tat?”
  • “ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM?”
  • “Should I?”
  • Kevin picks up the nearest bottle and smashes it over his head.

demisexualnjosten:

minyardjostenrivalry:

andreil soulmate au where the name on neil’s arm is burned off of him before he’s old enough to read. the name on andrew’s, covered in scars, is the name neil was born with, and everything’s a mess (because it’s andrew and neil, of course it is)

neil
doesn’t see andrew’s mark for the longest time and when he does he almost has a fucking heart attack. andrew thinks he’s freaking out about the scars for a second and then he sees where Neil’s looking, at those black letters on pale skin, and that’s when he starts to guess about neil, even if it takes a while to get confirmation

later on they get tattoos together. neil gets andrew’s name redone because that should’ve been his, he should’ve had that name with him his whole life, and andrew gets “nathaniel wesninski” covered because that’s not who neil is anymore. on his other arm he gets neil’s name, first middle last. the tattoo artist is stupid enough to assume they’re some non-bonded couple that won’t really last, asking them over and over if they’re sure. he tries to joke with neil about stealing andrew away from his real soulmate and neil gives him a sharp smile and tells him that nathaniel wesninski is dead.

(neil’s secretly fucked up in love over the fact that andrew got his tattoo redone with neil’s permanent name because no one else is really gonna see it, since andrew never wears short sleeves. but andrew did it anyway because he sees the way neil freezes every time he sees his old name)

the minyard josten rivalry lasts all of about 45 seconds before someone’s like “yo josten has andrew’s name on his fucking arm” (they don’t see andrew’s so they still have to speculate a little but neil doesn’t hide his. he doesn’t go around flaunting it either, but he doesn’t exactly make it hard on them)

this is great and i love it but counterpoint about the minyard-josten rivalry: both neil and andrew keep making up shit about the tattoos to the point of absurdity

“we don’t all have a perfect memory. i got his name tattooed to remind myself that i hate him even when i can’t see him” – neil

“he’s so stupid. he got my name tattooed to commemorate our five year rivals anniversary and forgot that soul marks are a thing” – andrew

“andrew has mine so i figured it would be rude not to match” – neil

“josten doesn’t even drink but sometimes he gets drunk on his own stupidity and things like that happen” – andrew

“we got married and i would lose all and any rings so i got this” – neil

“josten can’t half-ass anything, i once told him that i didn’t hate him that much and he went and got a fucking tattoo of my name” – andrew

“i killed his soulmate and i didn’t have one to begin with so we figured we’d just get together” – neil

“he killed my soulmate and it was really hot so i figured why not” – andrew

reporter: “andrew what’s your tattoo say?” andrew, deadpan: “i don’t have arms”

bookworm-forever-always:

thelobsterqueen:

gothhabiba:

thelobsterqueen:

gothhabiba:

gothhabiba:

gothhabiba:

imagine the drama if characters from classical literature engaged in tumblr antics

CALLOUT POST for Fitzwilliam Darcy

  • did not consider me handsome enough to dance with
  • has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved sister

  • reduced George Wickham to his present state of comparative poverty (I don’t have receipts on this but trust me)

  • is full of arrogance, conceit, and selfish disdain of the feelings of others; is ungentlemanlike in general

EDIT: I HAVE RESCINDED ALL CALLOUTS OF MR. DARCY He is now my husband (long story)

op literally used her arts and allurements to in a moment of infatuation make my nephew forget what he owes to himself and to all his family but go off i guess

if I had done so, I should be the last person to confess it!

oh so we’re just gonna ignore the fact that he was already practically engaged to my daughter huh

but i mean you’re lost to every feeling of propriety and delicacy anyway so i’m not sure why we’re even having this conversation :))

THIS IS GOLD

whatmack:

aaron, having just tripped over the curb: when. when will death come

neil, who’s been trained to constantly scan all surroundings: most likely suspect is that dude in the blue jacket, about 5 minutes, that lump in his coat may be a gun

aaron: ….

neil: oh no looks like it was just a book

aaron: …………………………………………….thanks