theravenncycle:

The Raven Cycle characters as John Mulaney quotes

Gansey: “I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting”

“you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you”

Blue: “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair”

“I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under”

Ronan: “sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all”

“I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars”

Adam: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die”

“In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine”

Noah: “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here”

“What’s new pussycat”

Henry: “I am a proud Asian American woman, and you will treat me with respect”

“I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing”

Bonus:

Kavinsky: “eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs”

Maura: “this is an office…” *looks at Ronan and Adam* “could be a nursery”

Mr. Gray: “one black coffee”

Malory: “Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds”