a page out of andrew minyard’s diary

henriettafoxes:

may 1, 2008

dear diary, 

neil is the worst fucking thing to ever happen to me. here’s a list of things i hate about him and reasons why he’s the worst. 

1. the way his stupid sparkly blue eyes look when he talks about exy. i have never described anything as sparkly in my entire life.
2. his smile. it’s too fucking bright
3. i hate his goddamn mouth 
4. especially when it’s open and words are coming out
5. his ass and his thighs are way too unreal, i don’t believe it
6. his stupid fucking auburn hair and the way it curls around his goddamn ears. fuck you neil
7. that godforsaken orange bandana he always wears to keep it pushed back
8. his freckles are annoying and i hate them 
9. he sometimes has a british accent and he sounds pretentious as fuck and not attractive at all, i have to kiss him just to shut him up
10. the fact that he’s three inches taller than me and he has to lean down to kiss me is disgusting 
11. so is the way he grabs my fucking chin
12. i fucking hate that orange is his favorite color and i will kill him in his sleep when he’s wearing his dumb orange pajamas
13. he never says no
14. he calls me drew all the time. where did he even get it from. fuck off
15. he won’t stop antagonizing people on live tv and it will get him killed someday and i’ll have to kill whoever’s killing him, the thought alone is exhausting
16. every time i willingly say the word exy he looks like he wants to make out with me. what is wrong with him.
17. he wakes me up every time he goes for a run at the asscrack of dawn and he kisses my forehead when i tell him to fuck off and i want to punch him
18. every time i stop a goal during a game he gives me this motherfucking look and if he doesn’t stop i will gut him
19. he doesn’t like ice cream but he buys it all the time and our freezer is stocked with it. i don’t know what kind of game he thinks he’s playing but he can stop right now
20. his goddamn fucking neck fetish.

neil abram josten is a jackass and he has ruined my life and i’m stuck with him forever now because apparently i was cursed by some unknown entity. anyway i have to go because he just came home from class and the demon in control of my body says i have to go kiss him. i hate my life.

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(inspired by this post. thanks to @dancyon @rians–world and @steampunkburie for your contributions!! love y’all)