why simon spier is a disaster gay™

ellesvevo:

in honour of love simon coming out tomorrow (technically today), i decided to reread the book, yes this is a public service announcement

• has a dog named bieber
• once dreamed about daniel radcliffe + was obsessed w/ passion pit as a baby gay
• during an eighth grade dance, he hid in the bathroom to avoid his “girlfriend” after spending the whole night eating fritos w/ his friends and eyeing people from under the bleachers
• calls tumblr “the Tumblr”. BINCH.
• reads drarry fanfiction
• had a flapper costume when he was in 4th grade
• “I mean, I can’t even.”
• dressed up as a dementor for halloween
• “But I’m gay. GAY. Gaaaaaaaayyyyy.” ICONIC.
• he signs off his emails with “jacques”, because jacques a dit = simon says, lmao
• genuinely thinks oreos are a legit food group. which is fair.
• AGAIN w/ the “I can’t even.” <– this is when he had that sex dream abt blue
• “The Chipmunks are kind of our thing. We had the voices perfected and the theme song choreographed…” his parents named him + his siblings alice, simon, & eleanor = characters from alvin and the chipmunks
• ran a tumblr called “Passion Pit OBSESSION.”
• the goddamn meaning of his name. simon = the one who hears. spier = the one who watches. that’s why this binch nosy af
• “.. honestly, because I’m basically the most blasphemous person in the world. Like, I don’t even know how not to use the Lord’s name in vain.” i ghostwrote this
• listens to depressing emo music
• took him 2 weeks to find out that there was a note w/ blue’s phone number inside the t-shirt that blue secretly sent him. jesus christ.

i love my son