czarrish:

when anyone begrudges adam his pride i really have to wonder if they have any idea what adam has been through? because abuse is fucking humiliating. it is degrading and dehumanizing and it takes and it takes and it takes until all you have left is this voice in your head saying the people who are biologically inclined to love you think you are a worthless piece of shit, so who are you to think any better of yourself? 

sometimes abuse means groveling and begging and pleading for forgiveness for things that you didn’t do, or that you don’t understand the cause of. sometimes abuse means being told that you aren’t wanted over and over until you internalize that. none of that leaves room for pride, for dignity.

adam’s pride is all he has and he probably clings to it so strongly outside of his family home in part because he doesn’t get to have it inside. he doesn’t get to have dignity or humanity or pride when his father is near him in that house. he needs to have control over his situation with gansey and ronan; he needs to put up those boundaries; he needs to know that he can make it without them. leave the kid alone, honestly.