bvkspine:

when andrew sees neil, his face is blank. he’s not smiling, not frowning, not turning away either; it’s a challenge, how bored he looks, how he regards neil like you would a white ceiling. it’s a statement– and a lie, even though he gives nothing away.

because i promise you, when andrew sees neil, it doesn’t show because andrew stays in control, but all the while and every single time he is thinking, like a sigh maybe, he’s thinking “oh” and “fuck” and “neil.” neil neil neil neil.

when andrew sees neil, he has to remember not to perk up. he is suddenly aware of the set of his own mouth, the muscles of his own face, which he holds carefully still. he is mindful of where he puts his hands and how he places them and he can’t help but monitor neil’s facial expressions, and follow neil’s movements with his eyes, and oh no you don’t, you don’t lean in, body, and you, eyes, don’t you dare soften and jesus christ can’t his brain function properly? but it does already.