palmettofoxden:

An incomplete list of the different answers Andrew has given reporters when they have asked why he and his ex-teammate turned rival Neil wear matching armbands:

• “Kevin’s marking his new exclusive court team with the armbands. So far we’re the only ones picked.”
• “It only took a few months of knowing him to know he was going to be my mortal enemy, so I marked him with the armbands so everyone would know.”
• “Neil Josten is a copycat piece of shit with no sense of personal style.”
• “We’ve been together since university. We secretly live together. We own cats. It’s disgusting.”
• “The armbands are how Wymack marked the worst troublemakers on his team. Neil was so awful no one managed to rank after him.”
• “Neil lost a bet and has to wear those armbands for ten years.”
• “They’re to hide our matching sleeve tattoos from a drunken night his freshman year.”
• “I forgot about his birthday and had an extra pair lying around so I used them as a shitty present. He’s been wearing them for years. Pathetic.”
• “What armbands? I have never seen him wear armbands.”
• “Wymack marked his best players with them. What a shame his own son didn’t earn any. Kevin cried the day Neil got his.”
• “Which one’s Neil again? Is he that really tall dealer? No? Then who am I thinking of?”
• “Nicky gave us the same gifts every year because apparently ‘we are impossible to shop for’.”
• “Wymack marked the players that smoke with armbands ‘as black as our lungs are going to turn’ to try to shame us into quitting.”
• “They used to be friendship bracelets, but now they mark my burning hatred for him.”
• “Neil Josten changes his appearance so suddenly and extremely, we had to mark him so we would recognize him when he showed up to practice. I guess he got used to wearing them.”
• “Neil’s so pale if his arms see direct sunlight, he gets third degree burns. No one knows why. It’s just his arms. Doctors are stumped.”
• “He stole them from me years ago and wears them at all times to taunt me. And so that I can’t steal them back.”
• “He hides knives in them. He’s a real danger to himself and everyone around him. I can’t believe no one’s stopped him yet.”

No one fully believes any of the answers and they’re all taken as sarcastic.