Highlights and Shenanigans from the GPF Banquet

acepalindrome:

– Yuuri does not get drunk. He refuses to touch a drop of alcohol. He’s not giving a repeat showing of last year’s nonsense.
– VICTOR ON THE OTHER HAND
– he’s not last-year-Yuuri’s level of drunk but he’s had a number of celebration drinks and he’s feeling quite toasty
– eventually he’s draped all over Yuuri
– ‘i love you so much Yuuri I wanna get married RIGHT NOW’
-‘victor’
– ‘do you think. do you think anyone here can marry us.’
– ‘victor’
– ‘what about yakov do you think yakov would do it if. if we ask really nicely.’
– ‘victor, we can’t. we agreed to get married after i win gold at the grand prix , right? so you’re just going to have to be patient until next year haha’
– ….
– ‘victor’
– …….
– ‘victor why are you crying’
– ‘OH GOD YUURI IM SUCH A FOOL. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO INSPIRE YOU TO SKATE YOUR BEST BUT INSTEAD! INSTEAD!!! I COCKBLOCKED MYSELF!! FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!!!’
– ‘victor please stop yelling’
– ‘AN ENTIRE YEAR YUURIIIIIIIII’
– ‘victor i just said we can’t get married yet, i didn’t say anything about sex. cockblocked isn’t the right word here’
– a heavy thirty seconds of silence follows as everyone processes what yuuri just said
– victor’s looking much cheered up
– yuuri wants to hide under a rock

– meanwhile someone let yurio have a drink to celebrate
– just one
– but he’s a baby and has no alcohol tolerance at all
– now he’s trying to fight jj
– otabek is holding him back
– ‘HE STOLE YOUR BRONZE MEDAL BEKA’
– otabek is flattered his tiny soldier bff wants to fight on his behalf but really please don’t, we’ll get kicked out of the party
– ‘THAT CANADIAN DICKBAG. STEALING MY GOLD BEFORE. NOW HES. HES TAKING MY BEST FRIENDS SPOT ON THE PODIUM. IM GONNA PUNCH HIS TEETH OUT.’

– yakov was really pleased at the start of the night because he’s so proud of yuri and he’s quietly proud of victor too for not being a completely awful coach
– but now yuri is making a huge scene and stole someone’s glove for the express purpose of smacking jj in the face with it (GONNA CHALLENGE HIM TO A DUEL LIKE A PROPER FUCKING GENTLEMAN)
– and victor has come over to lean on him and babble about making yakov get ordained so he can officiate his and yuuri’s wedding and yakov YAKOV can you walk me down the aisle too, can you do both?? YOURE LIKE MY DAD YAKOV
– yakov is too old for this