Ok, I need to address the major fandom freakouts I’ve witnessed about episode 11. Basically, Kubo knows how to write anxiety, and specifically self-esteem related anxiety, extremely well. Frustratingly, painfully well. Still this
This is what we call narrative tension. Ending abruptly on this ambiguous line is meant to be a cliffhanger and make us suffer because we only have one episode left and we can’t go into the last episode with no narrative tension (say, Yuuri placing first and being super lovey-dovey with Victor) or else there would be no stakes. It doesn’t mean the series will end badly.
1. Yuuri messed up Eros because he wasn’t focused on love
As soon as Yuuri talked about changing the jumps and compared his program to JJ, I knew he would mess up. Yuuri’s performances rely on his mental state a lot, Eros in particular always has him adopting a very particular persona to pull through. We had none of that in episode 11. Yuuri is too focused on landing the quadruple flip and forgets to focus on love, and he ends up failing the jump but also losing presentation points. It’s why his score is lower than usual for a performance he had perfected before.
I also feel that the thing about Eros is that Yuuri’s original motivation is gone. Eros is about enticing and seducing a target and so far Yuuri’s focused all of that on Victor. Yuuri doesn’t need to seduce Victor anymore and he’s not trying to do that at all, so the message he’s trying to convey with Eros is not working anymore. He aimed too hight because of anxiety instead of focusing on delivering the same sort of perfect Eros performance we’ve seen from him before. In a way though, you could say he reached the limit of what he can do with Eros, but not with Yuri on Ice, which is why I believe he will ace his Free skate with a perfect Yuri on Ice performance next episode, thus surpassing himself and completing his self-improvement journey.
2. Victor and Yuri are not breaking up, but they are on completely different wavelengths when it comes to the relationship
Let’s get this one out of the way since it seems to be the major source of panic. “Let’s end this” is ambiguous, just so we can suffer the most. Yuuri can mean the coach-skater relationship, he can mean the romantic relationship, he can mean both. I would hope he means the first. If we follow through his thought process along the season however…he probably means both. In the sense that, he probably feels like ending the coach-skater relationship, as he intends to do, will end any sort of relationship he has left with Victor. So what he’s saying is that he wants to retire and let Victor go as a coach, but what he’s feeling probably goes beyond that, even if he doesn’t actually break up with Victor.
This isn’t new information. Yuuri has been unsure about his future in skating since episode 1. He’s been doubting his entire relationship with Victor and wether he will stay or not since episode 2. The types of looks we’ve seen Yuuri sending Victor this episode are not new.
Yuuri has always believed, as he expressed back in episode 4, that his time with Victor was a limited blessing. He believes that Victor will inevitably go back to Russia and skating like everybody around them says he should do. Yes, even after Victor kissed him on international television, even after Victor announced that they were engaged to be married, you can bet Yuuri still believes that Victor’s love is purely conditional and dependent on Yuuri’s skating performances and that this relationship is only temporary. Because Yuuri’s type of anxiety is that type that makes him hear “We’ll get married after he wins gold at the Grand Prix.” as “We’ll get married only if he wins gold at the Grand Prix and thus deserves it.”
There’s been moments he has believed otherwise, of course. The airport scene I’m sure calmed him down, most of episode 10 as well, he probably believed for a moment that maybe this was it, maybe it was real and he deserved this lasting happiness. But then he’s at the Grand Prix and messed up his Eros performance and watched Victor appreciate other skaters doing better than him, so he’s back to questioning everything that’s ever come to pass between him and Victor because right now Yuuri is very set on the “I’m not good enough for him and am just holding him back.” mindset.
Victor meanwhile? Having the time of his life! I mean I should hope nobody gets so caught up in Yuuri’s POV that we start to doubt Victor’s feelings when we had an entire episode narrated by him about said feelings. Victor was leading a lonely and empty existence where he felt like he couldn’t rely on anyone and like he was prisioner to his carreer. Until Yuuri came along, and now he’s finally enjoying life, he’s in love, he’s at peace, he’s free to see fellow skaters as friends and not just rivals. The tiny amount of Victor POV in this episode only reinforces this.
Victor is having a grand time and he’s so invested in Yuuri, so focused, so in love, so ready to marry him on the spot, which is why he doesn’t realize that Yuuri’s anxiety is not exclusively over skating performance anymore but over their relationship as well.
That said, they definitely love each other and they both want to stay together. So this is good. I mentioned this before, they desperately need to talk and let out all their feelings towards each other. This will make things better in the long run. Remember, Yuuri is making assumptions on what Victor actually wants. It’s time Victor tells him exactly what that is, because no matter what it will include staying with Yuuri. They need to discuss the future, together.
They won’t break up.
3. Yuuri is not out of character nor is he experiencing character regression
Yuuri has an anxiety disorder. I’ve discussed this before. Yes Yuuri has progressed very far, yes Yuuri has gained more self-confidence. That doesn’t make the anxiety go away. Victor’s love doesn’t make the anxiety go away. It flaring up at the Grand Prix, when he’s at the peak of pressure? Completely understandable. Especially when you consider his anxiety in particular is connected to his self-esteem and how you see the way his self-esteem works. Basically, Yuuri measures his self worth through his achievements and recently in his life, particularly through Victor. Remember, Yuuri believes Victor’s main interest in Yuuri comes from Yuuri’s skating. So messing up Eros, even if not much? Was a huge blow. Watching Victor happily watch and appreciate other skaters who are doing better than Yuuri? An even bigger one.
Yuuri still doesn’t know what really happened between him and Victor at the banquet last year. He doesn’t know any of the things Victor monologued about to us, the audience. For Yuuri, the only thing keeping Victor around is whatever special spark he saw in his skating in that video. So Yuuri feels he’s losing that spark since he’s underperforming, he feels like he’s not good enough anymore to keep Victor around. Victor didn’t say anything to Yuuri after his short program and then spent the rest of his time looking and even complimenting other skaters. In Yuuri’s head, Victor is disappointed with him.
Thus Yuuri also feels, most likely, that he’s hurting Victor and taking advantage of him. He feels guilty for keeping Victor to himself all these months. If Victor remains his coach he will be unhappy, that’s what Yuuri believes. Hell, he probably thinks he’s been forcing himself on Victor. He asked Victor to stay over the Hot Springs on Ice, he asks again later that he stays until he retires, he gives him the ring first, all of this is probably weighting down on him in the shape of terrible guilt because he loves Victor so much and he wants Victor to be happy.
So, there’s this panic response your brain has to extreme levels of anxiety, which is self-sabotage. Self-sabotage gives you the illusion of being more in control of the situation. Yuuri feels like the relationship with Victor, be it coach-skate or romantic, is doomed to fail, so he decides to end it, to free Victor himself before Victor loses interest and leaves on his own. Things still fall apart but he controls how they fall apart, which is less stressful for his anxiety muddled mind. That, and he gets rid of his crippling guilt over ‘holding Victor back’.
Everything about Yuuri’s actions and thoughts in this episode make sense.
4. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
So way back before episode 7 graced us all with that kiss and canon status, I believed that we would only achieve said canon status in episode 12 and the way I thought it would happen would be through Victor skating “Stay Close to Me” to Yuuri, thus confessing his feelings. Then episode 7 happened and I was a bit confused about the scene. Because the scene is totally happening, we have the duet version of the song in the soundtrack, the opening scene in the anime is clearly half a flashforward to that scene, so I knew it would still happen but I didn’t know how they would make it emotionally significant. Now, I think it might be the ultimate reassurance Victor can offer Yuuri about his feelings.
Reassurance, that’s what.
Victor can’t make Yuuri’s anxiety go away, that’s not how it works. But this series is about love. Love wins, love makes Yuuri stronger. Anxiety may not magically disappear but it can be fought against, it can be overcome. So everything will be alright, they will be alright, Yuuri will be alright.
Speaking of music and how it works as meta-narrative in this series, if you still feel unsure, go listen to the Yuri on Ice track. Listen to it, think about how it mirrors the entire story of Yuuri over the course of the series, and note how it ends in a joyful harmony between the piano and the violin.
Nothing but My Aching Soul 