otterlydrawn:

Guys, ep 11 was rough, but it makes a LOT of sense. Yuuri has anxiety and not just any kind, but self-worth related anxiety. Furthermore he thinks Victor has only fallen in love with him because of their skating routine – he doesn’t remember the banquet dance-off. Specifically, he thinks Victor has fallen in love with a spark that he sees in Yuuri’s skating. He thinks Victor’s love is conditional.

Which is probably why he protested the engagement confusion last episode. He thinks this is temporary. He thinks Victor is just infatuated. Maybe he started to believe in something better for a second, in the airport, but anxiety is bound to take hold and make him question everything. And we saw that, this episode, IMO.

When Yuuri sees Victor watch other skaters perform amazing feats, he instantly enters that anxious state of “I’m not good enough to keep this” And since he, himself, didn’t perform his best, he thinks it’s going to be all downhill from here. Victor will, in his anxious mind, fall quickly out of love with him once there’s nothing “special” about him. He may even start becoming infatuated with another young skater.

So what do people with anxiety and self-worth issues do? SELF SABOTAGE. Woo! There’s less anxiety if you’re the one who controls how things fall apart. It’d be more stressful for Yuuri to stay in a relationship that he thinks is doomed. It would mean that every second of every day, he’s just waiting and watching for Victor to drift away. So he’d rather rip off the bandaid now, grieve all at once, and then move on. Because even if Victor is upset now, Yuuri believes that too will pass and he’ll be “free” of his delusion that he really loved Yuuri.

So yeah, we’re all just screaming at our TVs, but this is what people with anxiety do. All the time. It’s totally IC. And it’s the one obstacle that Victuuri has, really – dealing with Yuuri’s anxiety. Because love, however true, doesn’t make mental illness go away.  Nor does winning gold, if he manages that in the free skate. These two, if they are to last, need to face the full reality of Yuuri’s anxiety. It wouldn’t be a happy ending if they didn’t solve this first.

Kudos to Kubo-sensei for the writing so far, and here’s hoping that next episode brings everything together in a way that respects the universe she’s created so far, and doesn’t just shove everyone together in a fake-happy ending.